Friday, January 09, 2004

Thursday Dec 31, 2003
So this is the last day of the year, here we are living it and close to saying goodbye to it. In the morning the streets were jammed and we hardly were able to get to the store using side roads that were very busy as well. Police, road blocks, news about bombs planted in streets, this is how the last day in Baghdad was spent. I imagine the other capitals around the world. I imagine people shopping in stores and celebrating in their homes and here we are sneaking into our homes to hide in our pain and depression. We are creatures that have forgotten how to be joyful and happy.
When I passed through Baghdad’s sad streets, I wondered to myself, why are the houses, hospitals, schools and even the state buildings so old and run down? Supposedly, we a rich country. Where did the oil money go? We are an oil rich country, right?
Look at all our neighboring Persian Gulf states, look how their people live. They live very comfortably in lavish life styles. The latest technologies have reached them and they don’t worry about war or sanctions. Why are we buried in this backwardness and oppression? Why are we so distant from the rest of the world? As if a huge gulf has separated us from the rest of the nations on planet earth. People here always say, America brought Saddam Hussein into power so that he would destroy us. America supported him. All Iraqi attempts to get rid of him had failed. Then when America wanted to get rid of him, they came here to occupy Iraq. This was their goal for decades. Whoever sees the army and tanks filling Iraq’s cities would say “who is going to make them leave?”. You can’t believe that they will leave in a year or two they will probably say we are staying here forever.

Saddam plundered the state’s wealth from oil exports in order to wage silly wars for delusional reasons. The results of these wars has been nothing but destruction and ruin. Then came his war against Kuwait, they, were our friends and neighbors. He found silly reasons again to wage a war and who was going to stand up to him? We found out later what happened to people that stood up to him. He surrounded himself with a chorus of hypocrites that clap to anything he says and have no problem abusing the poor helpless people. The rest of the world kept distancing itself from us more and more, especially after the catastrophe of the sanctions. We became like Josef sitting in the darkness of the bottom of the well after his brothers threw him there. After the wars and the beginning of the sanctions, the man started to put his frustrations into wasting money on lavish palaces that he didn’t live in and in some case not even visited. I used to see trucks in the evening full of young men wearing wretched clothing. These young men would sit there in the trucks sticking one to the other. I would ask, who are these young men? The answer was, construction workers, working on construction for the palace of the president. I would remember his famous _expression “O great nation of Iraq”. I would say, so these are the sons of the great nation of Iraq, building a palace for the great president. I wanted to cry from the my sadness on our state and our misery. But I would find some self respect and keep quiet. Really, I wonder who brought him to destroy us and wipe dignity from our life and faces. Could he have done this on his own? Or were there external powers that aided him and pressured him towards all this foolishness?
We were living in Amman, Jordan when he attacked Kuwait. I felt anger and pain. I said he is leading us to another hell after the end of the war with Iran. My coworker said, why are you upset he is not doing anything to benefit himself, this will all benefit the people. I was very surprised by what he said. What benefit could come from oppressing other people and killing them? I didn’t argue with him. I thought maybe I am stupid and I don’t have the same long term vision. After the war on Kuwait and the sanctions, many Iraqi immigrated abroad because they lost hope that things would get better. The countries of the world got our intellectuals, authors, artists, poets, doctors and engineers. Only very few stayed behind. So much so that the Iraqi university had a shortage of teaching staff. Good thing new graduates were able to fill the empty positions. It felt as if the state was saying to the people “good bye and don’t come back”, unless you are willing to join the clapping chorus! The majority of the people that stayed behind was desperate, another group of people were benefiting from the situation. These had no problem participating in blood sucking of the poor and week and clapping and cheering for the president. During this time I returned to Iraq. My family disagreed with my move and they said “What brought you here you crazy woman?” I laughed and said “God wanted me to come and he arranged the right circumstances in order for me to come, so don’t try to persuade me otherwise”. I came back to a destroyed Iraq and destroyed people. All our values have eroded and all the people that were known symbols of nationalism have died. The education system was corrupted, full of bribes. The health sector was ignored. The poor die as result of shortage of medicine and nobody cares about it. The rich were getting richer and poor were getting poorer. The rich old neighborhoods became truly old and poor. The people started to sell their furniture and then gradually they start selling the necessities, even the fan, the air conditioning were sold during the summer just so that they could live Oh! What life this is? The retired governmental employees, army soldiers and school teachers became an underclass living on memories of the past, and feeling sorry for the present and the future. A new class emerged that has money, runs business and the rights to import and export goods. This class of people were controlling the lives of everybody else. You would look at them and ask what qualifications do these people have, what degrees or skills? and the answer would be nothing. He is the friend of Mr. Udai or a relative of Mr. President may god preserve him, Oh! What misery have you lived in, Iraqis? I keep asking did you participate in destroying your own lives? Or should we place the responsibility on that class of people that kept sucking everybody’s blood with no end until god’s anger came on us?

[translation provided by]

Tuesday Dec 30, 2003
In the morning Raed traveled with Salam to Amman Jordan to spend the new year. I don't blame them, things here are boring; bombings, road blocks, electricity black outs, long line ups at the gas stations and people are depressed and gloomy. Good news though, the end of 2003. the year of the war, destruction and ruin and the year of the end of the Saddam regime after 35 year. Who would have believed that? It is a miserable end to him and a miserable end to us. We are still living in the atmosphere of war and its sad outcomes. We haven't seen any happy outcomes till now. Here, another close bombing that has just shock the house windows! We no longer ask each other "what happened?", we just ask "did you hear the explosion?".
The electricity was on for 2 hours then it went off for 4, I consider this to be a beautiful thing, it is better than no electricity at all. Today something great happened that made me happy, the phone lines are working!!!! (We are going back to point zero, back to pre war conditions, oh what happiness) The phone switch was bombed (Al Ma'amoon switch) at the beginning of the war and now a new building was set to house the phone switch in a near by area and a new building. We can call people on the same phone switch, later on when they connect with other phone switches we will be able to call other areas.

I am telling you, it is 5 in the evening the electricity hasn't come back. Our electricity generator has been working since 12 in the afternoon, even the 4/2 system is not working.
Oh joy!

[translation provided by]

Monday Dec 29, 2003
It is now 5 in the evening. I just finished doing the laundry very quickly, since we have electricity and we are all happy. The electricity situation has improved in that last two days. We get electricity for 3 hours and then it goes off for several hours. Wow! 3 hours! I came home at 3 in the evening and till now I have been doing the laundry. It is cloudy outside but no rain. In the days before the war I used to dry in the laundry in the drier. Now the drier has taken a long vacation! Now it takes several days for the clothes to dry. The gasoline crisis is starting to get better. The rations are increasing for the gas stations and they are staying open for longer hours. Although the rations are set but the gas station attendant can fill you gas tank full and take something for his pocket. Who worries about principals these days except the fools? This is the state of the world. Now we wait at the gas station for 3 hours only and not the whole day.

Yesterday I filled half the gas tank (100 liters) for 38 thousand dinars. Last year I used to fill the whole tank (200 liters) for 5 thousand dinars. How many multiples is that? I can afford it but others don’t have a good source of income or have a set salary, what do they do?

In the morning I went to pay the store’s rent for the whole year of 2004. That is what the store owner requested. He asked for a 20% increase in rent from all the renters in all his buildings all over Iraq. I discovered that the owners are brothers from a family known for its wealth. Most of them own business buildings or are merchants. The office was full of renters and all of them were complaining that they don’t get much business and are not earning that much money, how can you increase the rent? The employee working there was apologizing and telling everybody that this is not his fault, he is simply following the instruction of his bosses. That he tried to pressure them to help the people but that the owner refused because they are investors and investments must grow. The war, the situation? They say it doesn’t concern them! … who does it concern then? I ask foolishly? This oppression became fashionable. What is happening to the world?

[translation provided by]

Sunday Dec. 28, 2003
It is 8 o’clock in the morning and outside it is raining and we have heavy fog. Yesterday I got several emails. I appreciate all of them regardless of whether they are encouraging or critical. I wish to thank everybody who wrote for their concern for us, it help us get through the pain when we know that there are people around the world that care about us. The world has become a small village and a common dialog is possible as long as we don’t think is selfish way. Thank you all.

Today I return to the story of the idiot that came to the house to sell me stolen stuff, I got angry and kicked him out. In reality this didn’t exist before the war, not to such an extent. I think that the American army has unintentionally introduced these new concepts to our midst, especially to the ignorant of us. The American army broke open the doors to the presidential palaces and invited everybody to come in and take a look inside. This awoke the ugly side in some people that committed foolish acts while laughing. I know many poor and needy families but they didn’t do such a thing. Because they found it to be a shameful act that they would feel ashamed about for many years to come. I know other families that were not poor and were not oppressed by Saddam, to the contrary they were benefiting from the Saddam regime; these people couldn’t wait to start looting and they were happy about it and laughing…. I guess they thought this was an entertaining game!

There is an Arabic proverb that says “People follow the religion of their kings”….. The leader led by example. When the regime fell, the American army became the leader and the example. They allowed these idiots to loot and the army didn’t realize that things would get out of hand very quickly. These people when they were finished looting the crumbling state property, they started to loot their fellow citizens as if they were in a crazy state of greed and gluttony that couldn’t be stopped or controlled.

Now with the shortage of gasoline, the American forces are distributing leaflets asking people to buy gas from the gas stations only and not from the black market. There are very strict penalties for people who don’t comply yet nobody is paying attention to these leaflets and people continue to buy gas on the black market. Do you know why? Because when you come in and on the first day you allow people to steal and loot, it becomes difficult now for people to listen to you when you take on the role of the reasonable party that is dispensing with wise advice.

Had an Iraqi party removed the regime, non of this would have happened. Because they would have preserved everything, not because they love Saddam, but because they would have realized that this belongs to their country and they must look after it. They would have realized that all state property must be kept and can’t be squandered away like what happened. They would have urged the people to stand united and act in a reasonable way under a strenuous situation, because unless we stand together and act in a rational way we won’t be able to get through this crisis.

Off course, there is another party who encouraged these foolish acts and these are the opposition parties that came from abroad riding on American tanks into our city. I also accuse our Kurdish brothers from the north, the area names Kurdistan. Kurdistan is now full of these stolen state cars. Some cars where stolen form storage places and others by force from their owners. Some car owners were killed in the process. The civilian cars that were stolen and their owners killed and now being sold in auctions. Maybe the owner’s soul is hovering over its car. I wonder why do people commit such evil acts? Why don’t they say, hey! I can secure my daily bread and other necessities without spilling somebody’s blood. The Kurdish people in the north are crying and complaining that they have been oppressed and killed by Saddam, so why do you allow the same thing to happen?

If I criticize my enemy for being unjust and committing foolish acts, how can I act like them when I am in their place, in that case how am I any better?

Another issue is the allowance of killing of previous Ba’athists without any due process and no questions asked…. Applying the program of thinning out the Ba’ath party. More that half of Iraqis were members of the Ba’ath party. How many Ba’athi will get his day? How many have their name of the list? How many Ba’athi was killed in front of his wife and children? When is this inhumane scene that people are committing against each other going to end? The fools are fighting one another. In the end we all lose!

[translation provided by]

Thursday, January 08, 2004

الأربعاء 31/12/003
إذن فقد جاء اليوم الاخير من هذه السنة وها نحت تعيشه ثم نفترب من وداعه,
في الصباح كانت الشوارع مغلقة وبصعوبة وصلنا الى المحل بواسطة طرق بديلة أخرى لكنها جميعا كانت مزدحمة . وشرطة وحواجز وأخبار عت فنابل مزروعة في وسط الشارع ,وهكذا مضى يوم بغداد الاخير لهذه السنة . وأتخيل كيف تعيش اليوم عواصم العالم أتخيل الناس في المتاجر يشنرون وفي بيوتهم يحتفلون أما نحن فنلوذ في بيوتنا مختبئين مع أحزاننا وكآبتنا . مثل مخلوقات نسيت كيف هي البهجة والفرحة ؟
عندما مررت في شوارع بغداد الكئيبة تساءلت لماذا هذه المدبنة قديمة بيوتها ومستشفياتها ومدارسها وحتى دوائر الدولة ؟والمفروض اننا دولة غنية فأين ذهبت أموال النفط ونحن بلد نفطي ؟
أنظر لدول الخليج التي تجاورنا كيف يعيش سكانها مرفهين بحياتهم ووسائل التكنولوجيا وصلت اليهم ولا يشغل بالهم حروب أو حصار .فلماذا نحن يطمسنا التخلف والظلم والبعد عن العالم .كأن هوة ضخمة تعزلنا عن شعوب الارض .
الناس هنا يقولون دائما أميركا هي التي جاءت بصدام حسين الينا ليدمرنا وثبتوه وسندوه وفشلت كل محاولات العراقيين للتخلص منه ,ثم حين أرادت التخلص منه جاءت لتحتل العراق وهذه هي أمنيتها منذ عشرات السنين والذي يرى الجيوش والدبابات تملأ مدن العراق سيقول بكل براءة من الذي سيخرجهم من هنا ؟ لا يمكن التصديق انهم ينوون الرحيل بعد سنة أو اثنتين ’حالهم يقول نحن باقون الى الابد
وصدام استنزف أموال الشعب من النفط ليخوض حروبا سخيفة أسبابها وهمية ونتائجها الخراب والدمار فقط.ثم جاءت حربه ضد الكويت وهم جيران وأخوان , فوجد المبررات السخيفة مرة أخرى ومن يعترض ؟
عرفنا فيما بعد أين يضع المعترضين !
ويحيط نفسه بجوقة من المنافقين الذين يصفقون له وينهشون الناس الضعفاء , والعالم يزداد بعده عنا وبعدنا عنه وخصوصا بعد كارثة الحصار ,حيث صرنا مثل يوسف في ظلام البئر ,بعد أن ألقى به أخوته ....
وبعد توقف الحروب ,وتنفيذ الحصار , صار الرجل يبدد ضجره وأموال النفط ببناء قصور لا يسكن فيها ولا يزورها حتى ! وكنت أرى شاحنات في المساء تمتلأ بالشباب يرتدون ملابس رثة ويلتصقون ببعضهم وأسال من هؤلاء وأبن كانوا فأسمع الجواب انهم عمال اليومية يعملون في بناء قصور السيد الرئيس .
وتخطر في بالي فورا جملته المعهودة الشعب العراقي العظيم ! وأقول هؤلاء اذن أبناء الشعب العظيم يبنون قصور القائد العظيم وأود لو أبكي حزنا على حالنا وبؤسنا لكني احترم نفسي واسكت .
حقا أنا اتساءل من جاء به ليدمرنا ويمسح الكرامة من وجوهنا وحياتنا ؟ هل ممكن لوحده فعل كل هذا أم هنالك قوى خارجية ساعدته ودفعته ليرتكب كل هذه الحماقات وهو يظن نفسه البطل .
عندما كنت في عمان وهجم على الكويت غضبت كثيرا وتألمت وقلت إنه يفودنا الى جحيم آخر بعد نهاية حرب ايران. فغضب زميلي في العمل وقال لماذا تزعلين انه لايفعل شيئا لنفسه هذه مكاسب للشعب سوف يتركها لكم . أدهشني هذا التفسير . أية مكاسب بظلم الناس وقتلهم ؟ أوقفت النقاش لانني ظننت نفسي غبية لا تملك بعد نظر !
بعد حرب الكويت وبداية الحصار هاجر الكثير من العراقيين بعد أن يئسوا من تحسن الاحوال وأمتلات دول العالم بالمثقفين العراقيين والادباء والشعراء والاطباء والمهندسين وبقي القلة حتى كادت الجامعات العراقية تخلو من كوادر التدريس لولا تخرج دفعات جديدة تم تعيينها لسد الفراغ وكان حال الدولة كأنها تقول لهم مع السلامة إن لم تكونوا من المصفقين !
بقيت الاكثرية المغلوبة على أمرها , وأكثرية أخرى مستفيدة تمص دم الفئة الضعيفة , وتصفق وتهتف للسيد الرئيس .
في هذه الفترة عدت الى العراق , ولامني أهلي وقالوا ماذا جاء بك مجنونة ؟ ضحكت وقلت الله أراد أن أعود ورتب الظروف فلا تحاولوا !
عدت لأرى عراقا محطما دولة وإنسان . المباديء انقرضت والناس المعروفين كرموز وطنية معظمهم ماتوا والتعليم كله فساد ورشاوي وقطاع الصحة مهمل والفقير يموت من قلة الدواء ولاأحد يشعر به.
والاغنياء يزدادون غنى والفقراء يزدادون فقرا..!
الاحياء القديمة الغنية صارت قديمة فعلا لكنها فقيرة,والناس يبيعون أثاث بيوتهم والفائض منها ثم يديهم تمتد قليلا قليلا لبيع الضروريات حتى المروحة والمبردة باعوها في عز الصيف حتى يظلوا على قيد الحياة ويا لها من حياة! وطبقة موظفي الدولة المتقاعدين من الجيش أوالتربية أوحتى السلك الدبلوماسي صاروا طبفة مسحوقة تعيش على الذكريات , وتحزن وتتأسف على الحاضر .
وظهرت طبقة جديدة بيديها الاموال والتجارة وحقوق الاستيراد والتصدير وتتحكم بحياة الناس وتنظر اليهم وتتساءل ماذا يمتلكون من ثقافة أو شهادات أو مهارات فيكون الجواب معظم الاحوال لا شيء إنه فقط صديق الاستاذ عدي أو قريب السيد الرئيس حفظه الله ......
في أي بؤس عشتم أيها العراقيون ؟ وأظل أتساءل هل شاركتم بأنفسكم بتدمير حياتكم ؟ أم يتحمل السؤولية عصابة الاغبياء التي كانت تنهش ولا تشبع حتى نزل الغضب الإلهي .؟........ **********

الثلاثاء 30/12/003
سافر رائد وسلام في الصباح الى عمان لقضاء عطلة نهاية السنة .معهم حق فالدنيا عندنا مضجرة ,فقط انفجارات وحواجز تفتيش وانقطاع كهرباء وطوابير على محطات البنزين , والناس كئيبة متجهمة , .....
اذن فهذا خبر سعيد سينتهي عام2003 عام الحرب والخراب والدمار ونهاية حكم صدام بعد 35 عاما ,من يصدق؟
لكنها نهاية تعيسة له ولنا حيث ما زلنا نعيش أجواء الحرب ونتائجها المحزنة ولم نحصد نتائج سعيدة لحد الآن . ها هو انفجار قريب يهز نوافذ البيت ! وما عدنا نسأل بعضنا عما حدث فقط نسأل هل سمعت الانفجار ؟
الكهرباء اليوم ساعتين ثم انطفاء 4ساعات, وهو شيء جميل أفضل من أن لا تراها بتاتا,...
حدث شيء عظيم اليوم وأسعدني ,عادت خطوط الهاتف الارضي تعمل من جديد !!!! (السعادة هنا اننا نعود لنقطة الصفر قبل الحرب )
حيث قصفت البدالة (بدالة المأمون) منذ بداية الحرب وتدمرت البناية ,والان تم نصب بدالة جديدة في منطقة قريبة وبناية أخرى .الاتصال الان بين المشتركين داخل البدالة فقط . ثم يعاد ربطها مع بدالات أخرىلاحقا ,...
أقول لكم الساعة الان الخامسة مساء والمولدة ما زالت تدور والكهرباء مقطوعة منذ الساعة 12 ظهرا .حتى البرنامج 2/4 لا يعمل !
سعااااااادة !!!!

الإثنين 29/12/003
الساعة الآن الخامسة مساء .أنهيت غسيل الملابس بسرعة حيث الكهرباء موجودة ونحن كلنا سعداء!
تحسنت الكهرباء منذ يومين وصارت تأتي 3ساعات وتقطع 3ساعات أخرى لكننا نجده إنجازا عظيما.
دخلت البيت منذ الساعة الثالثة ولحد الآن أنا في برنامج الغسيل .الشمس خفيفة تغيب وتعود ,لكن لا يوجد مطر . كنت في الايام السابقة للحرب أستعمل النشافة الكهربائية أما الآن فإنها في إجازة طويلة ! والآن تأخذ الملابس أياما عديدة حتى تجف .
أزمة البنزين بدأت تخف حيث زادت حصص المحطات وساعات دوامها .ومع إن الحصة محدودة فإن موظفي المحطة ممكن أن يعبأوا لك الخزان كاملا ويأخذوا شيئا لجيوبهم , من يتمسك بالمباديء هذه الأيام سوى الحمقى؟ يبدو هذا هو حال الدنيا الآن. والإنتظار في المحطة 3ساعات وليس النهار كله !
بالأمس عبأت نصف خزان النفط (100لتر) بثمانية وثلاثون ألف ديناروكنت أعبأه في العام الماضي كاملا(200لتر) بخمسة آلاف دينار فقط!
كم ضعفا زاد السعر ؟
أنا أقدر أن أدفع وأتحمل ,لكن غيري الذي لا يملك دخلا جيدا أو راتبه محدود ما سيفعل؟
ذهبت في الصباح لأدفع أجرة المحل لمدة سنة كاملة (2004) حسب طلب صاحب العمارة التي فيها محلاتنا . وطلب زيادة في الأجور 20 بالمئة من جميع المستأجرين في جميع عماراته وفي كافة مدن العراق .وأكتشفت إن المالكين هم مجموعة أخوة ومن عائلة معروفة بغناها ومعظم أفرادها تجار ومالكي عمارات تجارية .وكان المكتب يمتليء بالمستأجرين وكلهم يشتكي ويقول أين العمل وأين الفلوس فكيف ترفعون الاجرة . الموظف يعتذر ويقول ان لا ذنب له وان هذه أوامر المدراء
وانه حاول الضغط عليهم لمساعدة الناس لكنهم رفضوا والسبب انهم مستثمرون وينبغي أن تتطور الاستثمارات وتنمو . والحرب والظروف؟
يقولون ان هذا الامر لا يعنيهم ! ...من يعني اذن ؟ انا بغباء اتساءل؟
هل الظلم صار موضة ؟ ماذا يحدث للدنيا؟

الأحد 28/12/003
الساعة الثامنة صباحا. الجو في الخارج ممطر وضباب كثيف .
استلمت بالامس عدة رسائل بالبريد الالكتروني . وقد سعدت جدا بها سواء التي كانت تشجعني أوالتي تنتقد وأنا أشكر اهتمامهم بنا وبمعاناتنا فهذا يهون علينا الالم حين تفكروا بنا وتتعاطفوا .فالعالم حقا صار قرية صغيرة وثمة لغة حوار مشتركة دائما موجودة ما دمنا لا نفكر بأنانية .شكرا لكم ,...
أعود اليوم الى قصة الغبي الذي جاء يبيع موا د مسروقة فطردته وغضبت منه . الحقيقة ان هذا النموذج لم يكن موجودا بهذه الوقاحة قبل الحرب .لكن أظن ان الجيش الامريكي أدخل هذه المفاهيم دون قصد الى قاموس الناس وخصوصا الفئة الجاهلة. فعملية كسر أبواب القصور من قبل قوات الاحتلال ودعوة الناس للدخول أيقظت الوجه القبيح فيهم وشجعتهم على اقتراف حماقات وهم يضحكون .
أنا أعرف عائلات كثيرة فقيرة ومحتاجة ومحرومة لكنها لم تفعل . لانها وجدت فيه عارا تظل تحمله طوال حياتها وأعرف عوائل أخرى لم تكن محتاجة ولم يظلمهم صدام بل كانوا مستفيدين ,لكنهم تسابقوا من أجل النهب وضحكوا كثيرا ,....ربما وجدوها لعبة مسلية !
المثل يقول الناس على دين ملوكهم .... والقائد هو القدوة . وحين سقط النظام جاء الجيش الامريكي وأصبح هو القائد والقدوة . فأباح لاولئك الاغبياء النهب والسلب ولم يكن يدري ان الموضوع سوف يتطور ويخرج عن السيطرة وأن هؤلاء حين انتهوا من سلب اموال الدولة المنهارة , بدأوا بسلب مواطنيهم وكأنهم في حالة شراهة لا يمكن السيطرة عليها ولا يمكن ايقافها .
والان في أزمة الوقود توزع القوات الامريكية منشورات تحث الناس على الالتزام ببيع وشراء المحروقات في محطات الوقود فقط وعدم البيع كسوق سوداء وتوجد عقوبات شديدة للمخالفين , لكن لا أحد يستجيب أو يخاف لماذا؟ لانك حين دخلت لاول مرة وسمحت بشرعية السلب والنهب فمن الصعب الان ان يستمعوا لك وأنت تقوم بدور العاقل الذي يسدي النصائح الثمينة !
لو قامت قوة عراقية بتغيير النظام لما حدث هذا . لانهم كانوا سيحافظون على كل شيء ليس حبا في صدام لكن لانهم يدركون ان هذا وطنهم وانهم حريصون عليه وانه أمانة لا يمكن العبث بها بطريقة مستهترة كالتي حصلت . ولكان حثوا الناس على جمع صفوفهم والتوحد لانهم في مأزق ولن يقدروا على تخطي المأزق الا اذا تصرفوا بنضوج وعقلانية...
وطبعا يوجد طرف آخر شارك بتشجيع هذه الحماقات وهي الاحزاب المعارضة التي جاءت من الخارج راكبة على الدبابة الامريكية .
وكذلك فعل الاخوة الاكراد في الشمال المسمى كردستان حيث تمتليء الان بسيارات الدولة السابقة المسروقة من المخازن أو التي تم تسليبها من سائقيها عنوة أو بقتله...
أما السيارات المدنية التي قتل أصحابها في بغداد أو غيرها من المدن وتم تهريبها وبيعها في منطقة الشمال فهي تعرض في ساحات للبيع ...مزاد علني , وربما ترفرف حولها روح صاحبها الضحية . أتساءل فقط من أجل ماذا يفعل الناس كل هذه الشرور ؟ لا تقولوا من أجل لقمة العيش اليومية , فهذه تتدبر بسهولة دونما حاجة لسفك دماء.
والاكراد في الشمال يبكون ويشكون ان صدام قد ظلمهم وقتل منهم الكثير , فلماذا تسمحون بالظلم والقتل ؟
اذا كنت انتقد عدوي بأنه ظالم ويرتكب الحماقات فكيف لي أن اتصرف مثله حين أجلس محله ,بماذا أنا أرقى منه ؟؟؟؟
ومسألة ثانية وهي اباحة قتل البعثيين السابقين بلا سؤال ولا عتاب من أحد ,...
وهو تطبيق لبرنامج اجتثاث البعث ,.....
أكثر من نصف العراقيين كانوا بعثيين ,اذن كم بعثي سيأتيه الدور واسمه على اللائحة ؟
وكم من بعثي قتل لحد الان أمام زوجته وأطفاله ؟
ومتى سيتوقف هذا المسلسل اللاانساني والذي يقترفه البشر الحمقى ضد بعضهم اليعض ؟
وفي النهاية الجميع خاسرون !

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Tuesday 23/12/2003
Last week I went to Sulaymania for a short business trip. It is a city in northern Iraq. Its inhabitants are Kurds who are good and respect their visitors. During the visit, as part of the agenda we had to meet a local leader of a Kurdish party. He was nice and friendly, then during my conversation, I mentioned the term “Northern Region”, so he interjected and said “Don’t use that term please”. So I smiled and remained silent, not understanding what had angered him! He continued saying “You are an Arab female from Baghdad and you are not aware that we (the Kurds) wish for our area to be called Kurdistan, we want a federal system and you guys in Baghdad won’t agree”!
So I smiled once again and the laughed, when I discovered that I had opened up a wound that these people have been long suffering from for a long time and I am accused of being an unfair racist who has no feeling for their wants and aspirations. I felt rather annoyed and imagined myself to be an American and the guy sitting opposite me to be an Arab! I returned to the hotel and felt annoyed for the rest of the day. Yes there is a long history of repression and injustice carried out against the Kurds by the Arabs, I am innocent of that and I do not support such action/treatment. But there is a united stance from one side against the other.
This feeling is not brought about by Saddam’s fall, but I was aware that the all of past governments handled the “Kurdish Issue/File” aggressively. And because I am not Kurdish and did not live amongst them, this issue does not import nor concern me. Just as an American civilian is living their life now, as they hear and see what their government is doing to other populations, sorry! Did I cross the red line?!
Before our return to Baghdad, they took us to visit some red buildings that used to house the Security apparatus, many squares, gardens then stairs leading onto dark corridors where the interrogation and torture chambers are. As I walked in the place I couldn’t help thinking who can save a human being from another human’s injustice? Even the Humanitarian Agencies have proved their impotence and their failure in aiding the weak and oppressed.

Translated by Waleed 04/01/2004

Friday 26/12/2004
Visited the neighbours. She said she wants to emigrate and sell her house. All of her children are outside (Iraq) and life here is difficult, with no hope of things improving in the near future. She’s right!

I wished that I think like her and then all my all of my psychological problems would end. But I am attached to this land despite all the troubles and ill fortune; I love it and will not accept an alternative other than it (the land). We have a flat in Amman/Jordan. Before the war, whilst we were on holiday, my husband suggested that the kids and I spend the duration of the war in the flat. I was flabbergasted and completely rejected the idea and returned to Baghdad hurriedly fearing the outbreak of the war whilst am still outside Iraq. It is a question of principle.

Many people have ridiculed me for my attitudes, to the point that my sisters consider me a foolish romanticist, but I’ve stuck to my points of view and have not regretted it. I said to them “I wasn’t here during any of the past wars and I feel guilty”. My thoughts were that this would be the final war and I did not want to rue the chance of sharing the experience of a close war with my family, friends and neighbours, so I decided on staying in Baghdad and not leaving regardless. Otherwise what is the point in life if they died and I stayed alive? What will I do? It’ll be dull and boring.

A person who is present during and experiences a war has a higher/stronger morale than one who lives outside the country and has to hear of the war in the news, then that person is mortified psychologically wondering about the fate of their loved ones. I lived this experience during the first Gulf War as I was living in Amman and I felt impotent and used to cry daily worried about my family and loved ones back in Iraq. But to be present with everyone during the war is a Mercy in the sense that each of us consoles one another and we laugh about what is happening and hoping that we can live to tell our tale.

The first days of the war were light on civilians because most of the targets were presidential and army ones. Then the jets closed up and started carrying out bombing raids in the midst of residential houses and this is where catastrophes took place, so that days and nights became extremely terrifying. Out of fear it was impossible to sleep. On the first night I took valium tablets (Sleeping tablets) and slept like a corpse and did not hear anything (of the bombing). But with time neither the valium tablets takes its effect nor does the bombing subside. The entire house shakes and windows shatter which forced us to replace them with wooden planks. In the mornings we are left with pale faces and headaches from the pain and tension. Some of the families left their houses to safer areas outside Baghdad where the bombing is not as intense. But they were worried about the prospect of their houses being looted or bombed, until such day where the American forces entered the Baghdad’s Airport which was Dooms Day for the majority of the capital’s inhabitants. We left our houses, which is near the airport, to the safety of relatives’ homes in safer parts of Baghdad. I still wonder what Saddam was gambling on when he threw us in this hell and no one could feel for us whilst we are left between the grinders of the US Army and the theatrical war coverage of the Satellite Channels as it beamed live pictures of Baghdad being bombed and destroyed day by day.

The Americans are convinced that they do not harm civilians! God only knows how those days passed. We hear of bombing incidents whereby they are striking a “target” where elements of the leadership “may” have been, while innocent victims fall as a result when the “may” operations turns out to be false intelligence.

This is exactly what happened when the “Sa’aa Restaurant” (The Time Restaurant) was hit at 3pm as the street was thriving full of people walking along thinking there will not be any day time bombing raids. Buildings were shaken, windows were shattered and houses collapsed in their entirety on their occupants and many families died as a result. They were harsh dark days and we are not sure who gets the blame as each of the warring sides was blaming the other and no one pays the price but us… we still do.

I am unable to stand still ignorantly and forget all what we saw and applaud idiotically to the occupation army. Am sorry, the scene is painful and those who are on the stage are tiring.

Translated By


Wednesday Dec 24, 2003,

I woke up 7 in the morning, a bit later that usual. The weather was very cold less than 10 degrees. The house was dark and cold, I don’t know why this description reminds me of a grave? We had a quick breakfast and then the kids went out to their studies. Azzam and Raed are sleeping. I am happy when Raed spends the night at the house. He is so busy and spends most nights outside our house. The electric generator is running and is making a thick noise. There is a problem. Azzam goes out to check it and then he turns it off. He said that we need to call a technician to look at it in the afternoon. I became very annoyed, this generator is an important member of the family. The house, I mean life, without the generator is unbearable. The national electricity wasn’t on all day yesterday except for a short period in the afternoon. The generator was on from 3 in the afternoon till 1 in the morning since Majed was studying till late. Before we went to sleep we heard distant explosions that lasted for an hour or two, we don’t know the source of these explosions. Today we found out that there were military clashes in “Al Doura” area in southern Baghdad. In the afternoon the technician came and fixed a small problem. “Alhamdu Li Lahh” (Arabic for Thank God). The life returned to the house. But the water was very cold, I had to wait for hours until it got warmed up so that I could wash my hair. I was wondering how and when do other people that don’t own a generator take baths? At night the darkness is frightening. We no longer go out to restaurants or visit friends or relatives in the evening. Even the phone lines haven’t been repaired in the areas where the phone lines were bombed by the American army. The result is that no visits no phone call and no stroll around Baghdad. What would I see? I would get sad and depressed. I would see a sad city run down by war. In every street you can see the remnants of bombing, fire or destruction. I don’t know who did this? The foreigners or the locals. The sight of the American military machines are everywhere. The soldiers wonder around the street with machine guns pointed at our face. They ride the pavements with their tanks when they need to. All the street pavements are cracked as a result. I see a different Baghdad, a Baghdad I didn’t know before. A humiliated and occupied Baghdad. The same goes for the people. And then comes the checkpoints, slow traffic, lights flashed in our faces as if we were criminals. Sometimes the American soldier will ask us to get out of the car in the cold for inspections, then he will apologize about disturbing us in a polite and respectful manner. I want to ask him what brought you to the end of the world, to Baghdad? Don’t tell me you came here for our sake or to liberate us. Who will believe you? Do you believe it yourself?

Everybody says we are not against the change but not like this. We hoped that the change would come on the hands of Iraqis. It would have been more convincing, beautiful and joyful. But now everybody is repelled. Who accepts to wake up in the morning to see a foreign army, armed to their teeth filling our city? Had the change came from within us they would have found limitless support. We wouldn’t have lost security and we wouldn’t have witnessed the looting and executions. We would have seen an authority representing the people that is capable of restraining the masses. This authority wouldn’t have allowed for the revenge, laws would have been followed. The law is above everybody. It has been eight months since the fall of the regime and we still have murders and executions going on. Whoever has a list of names should hurry to go through it before a new government and constitution are formed. That is the reality today. We won’t forget the opposition parties that were abroad and now are getting revenge at the symbols that bothered them in the past. Anyway, I think that the war crime trials will be held later will find that all the accused are dead already. They have been executed already. This is the new justice in Iraq, our new freedom….. Welcome!

[translation provided by]

Monday, January 05, 2004

Thursday, December 25th 2003:
There are some positive aspects to this war. Most houses now have satellite
dishes installed that receive transmission from all over the world. Baghdad
is full of Internet cafes and mobile phone dealerships and we now find brand
new cars of all models roaming the streets of the city. There are also many
foreigners now here and their presence, whether as part of NGOs or foreign
media and press, has broken the barriers we had with the outside world and
we have found a common language for dialogue after I had thought such a
language was impossible to find! I have discovered that there are many
ordinary people among them and others that are intellectual. When the
American forces first entered into Baghdad they were kinder and cooperative
with us, but now because of the security situation they have become more
hostile which has made people resentful of their presence, particularly
after many Iraqis were shot dead by Americans by accident because the
soldier freaked out! And of course who will bring this or that soldier to
justice? These kinds of accidents brew a sense of resentment towards the
Americans. At night we hear explosions that go on for hours and nobody knows
what’s going on! We also hear helicopters flying around and the sound of
heavy tanks rumbling by breaking the silence of the night and shaking the
houses like miniature earthquakes. People are drowning in their sorrows
struggling to find the daily bread. Petrol, oil and gasoline are scarce and
very expensive while even during the long hard years of the sanctions they
were dirt cheap. The sadness and sorrow is not specifically due to these
things but this is an indication of the state of nation that has been thrown
into chaos and turmoil. And the future is an unknown. The people who live
here have tired of wars and sanctions and politics and political parties and
they wonder who guarantees to them that the new faces around are more
sincere than those that have passed and fallen?
The common language on the street is not one of forgiveness and national
dialogue, rather it is a language of vengeance and settling of old vendettas
precisely like what the Baathists used to do to the communists when they
came into power. People here need a long time to learn to respect other
peoples’ opinions without resorting to violence or vengeance. This is a
learning process and will not come of a decision issued by one party or
The status quo so far is pretty bleak. Those who are used to being paid off
by Government employees still go on with their practice without any
accountability, and anyone with no connections or money cannot get anything
done in public institutions.
A customer came into the store wanting to sell some merchandise. I asked him
where he obtained the goods and he asked if I wanted the truth. I laughed
and said I did, so he replies that it’s stolen from Government buildings.
Why did you steal it I ask? Because Saddam executed my uncle when he was in
the army he replies. So I ask what have you gained from stealing? Did your
uncle come back to life? Or was he pleased with your act and entered heaven
happy? The man smiled and replied, so what do I do? I refrained from
answering because as long as this man has this mentality how can we find
common language for dialogue? The man left the store, then came back and
asked me to help him, advise your muslim brother where I can sell the goods
he asked. That was the final straw for me and I completely lost it. What
Islam do you refer to you fool? What Islamic principles have you not
massacred? If I help you out then I am a collaborator in your stupid act!
The incident upset me for several days, and reinforced my conviction that
these people not only need a Government and constitution, they also need to
be reminded of basic principles that have disappeared with the collapse of
everything else.

Translated By: Candide

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Friday, December 26th, 2003:
I visited the neighbours today. The lady told me she wants to immigrate and sell the house. All her children live abroad and life here is difficult with no sign of improvement in the near future. She is right. I wish I could think like her, then all my psychological problems would be over. But I am too attached to this land. Despite all the trouble and disaster, I love my country and would accept no substitute. We have an apartment in Amman and right before the war broke out my husband suggested that the kids and I stay there until the war ends. We were on vacation at the time and I rejected the
idea completely. The thought of the war taking place while I was away from Iraq drove me crazy and I hurriedly returned to Baghdad. It is a matter of principle! Many people ridiculed my decision, even my sisters called me a hopeless romantic but I stuck to my decision and have no regrets. I told them I had not been there with them during any of the previous wars and I felt guilty for that. I also had a hunch that this would be Iraq’s final war, and I had to share the experience of war first hand with my family, neighbours and friends and therefore decided to remain in Baghdad and not to leave whatever the circumstances. Besides, what is there to live for if you all die and I am still alive? What would I do? Life would be pointless and dull.
Those who experience the war have higher spirits than those living abroad listening to the news worrying sick over friends and family. I have experienced that feeling before during the Iraq-Kuwait war while I was living in Amman. I cried daily feeling helpless worrying over my family and loved ones in Iraq. Being there with everyone during wartime is a mercy; consoling each other, laughing at the status quo, and hoping to live to tell the stories.
The early days of the war were easy on the people. The main targets were presidential and the army. Then the airborne attacks got closer to strike targets in residential areas and this is when disaster struck. Days and nights became frightfully scary, and fear prevented us from going to sleep. The first night I took a valium tablet and slept like the dead, but with
time the valium stopped being effective and the intensity of the raids did not subside. The whole house would shake and the windows would break and we’d have to board up the windows. We’d wake up in the morning with pale faces and headaches from pain and worry. Many families left their houses to areas far from Baghdad, but they were also haunted with the fear that their
houses would be burgled or destroyed by the strikes. That was until the day the US forces entered Baghdad airport; that day was living hell for most residents of the capital, and we all left our houses to stay with relatives living far from the airport area. I still think and wonder what Saddam was betting on when he sacrificed us into that hell! No one felt with us
bombarded by the US army with the Arab satellite channels screaming the breaking news of the daily attacks on Baghdad, and the whole time the Americans believing that no civilians are coming to harm! Only God knows how we survived those days, hearing news of raids on locations where military leaders ‘supposedly’ were, where innocent civilians were killed instead, which is precisely what happened during the strike at the Al-Sa’a restaurant in Al Mansour at around three in the afternoon when the street was packed with people walking about thinking they’d be safe in daylight when there are no strikes! The buildings shook at the intensity of the attack, windows broke and houses were demolished on the families trapped inside. Those were harsh, dark days and we don’t know who takes responsibility for them. Both sides lay blame on each other, and no one pays the price but us. We still do. And I cannot stand like an idiot and forget all we saw and idiotically applaud the occupying army. I am sorry but the scene is too painful and those on the stage are tiresome.

translated By: Candide

تحية وشكر:
الى كل قراء هذه الصفحات الذين أرسلوا مشاركات لترجمة يومياتي سأنشر واحدة فقط ليوم الجمعة 26/12 أرسلت من كانديايد .. .
أرجو من كاندايد أن تترجم ليوم الخميس 25/12 وترسلها الى ايميل ماجد أو خالد او أيميلي وأرجو من ايلين غلام أن تترجم ليوم الاربعاء 24/12 والاخ مثنى وصديقه وليد أن يترجما يوم الثلاثاء 23/12 .
لكم جميعا جزيل الشكر وهذه مشاركة منكم تعبيرا لحبكم للعراق وتضامنكم معه في محنته..
سأنزل مشاركاتكم على هذه الصفحة فور استلامها منكم، ثم سأنزل يوميات جديدة نتفق فيما بعد على ترجمتها.
محبتي وتقديري لكم جميعا....

"Le Mer Miserable"

I live in a really nice city, where a dictator governed for 35 years, creating anti-culture walls around the city and making it really locked... A river splits this city into two parts ... And this river was hand-cuffed for all these years... No one was allowed to sit by it or talk to it or even look to it, due to 'security reasons'.
in 9th of Apr. this great Tigris was finally freed, people could talk to the river, and everybody noticed how much the river cried after the war ... But that lasted for only couple of months... Now, the river was hand-cuffed again by people 'he' doesn't know and haven't met before. Once again, the Tigris cant listen to people talking to him or looking at him or sitting by him... Due to 'security reasons'.
poor river.
poor people.
poor city.
poor me.

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