A Family in Baghdad

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
Good morning…
It’s been raining for two days in Baghdad…the streets and trees have been washed, the city looks nicer when clean…
I love the smell of rain…a nice smell of humidity spreading in the air, and the earth has a special smell when rain falls on it for the first time, after a period of drought…
The rain is richness…and a gift, from GOD in heaven…
I wish well to all humans on this earth.
I wish that peace would pour on then, as rain does….
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It is now 8 a.m., the results of the American elections aren’t announced yet, but the numbers indicate an advancement of Bush.
So, well, as I expected, perhaps Bush will win again.
The atmosphere there pushes people to consider their security and the September events as priorities, then the issue of Iraq and its problems, as the second item.
I can almost feel the sadness and disappointment of those who supported Kerry, to help the Iraqis, and to open a door of “the lesser evil” for them.
But the majority of Iraqis say: It makes no difference…even if Kerry comes along, we do not anticipate a real difference in the American policy towards us… look at us, since 1990, since Bush Senior, then Clinton, then Bush junior, what change took place towards us???
Nothing…the same program is repeated, and the same vision.
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Last evening I was tired, and strained, when an American Radio Station called me in the evening, and asked me about the Iraqi’s opinion in the American elections, does it concern them?
I said: Of course it concerns them…
- And what are the people’s viewpoints??
That was a difficult question, but I like truthfulness and honesty more that anything else.
The Iraqi street is divided, like the American street( and that supports the theory that all humans are alike), some consider that Bush is better, in spite of all his faults and mistakes…
(…listen, I’ll stop for a while, there is a big explosion that smashed the glass of my windows again, ... oh, my GOD…).
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I checked the house, the kitchen windows, the guests room, this room, Majid’s room… all the glass we had fitted a few weeks ago, was smashed again today…
I shall go to work in a little while, and the glass shop workman shall come in the afternoon to fit new glass…
I suppose the glass shop owner in our neighborhood has grown richer in this period, from the amount mishaps we had…
I hear helicopter planes thundering in the sky…and the sound of the Iraqi Police car’s sirens…in a few hours we shall understand what exactly happened??
The house if full of boxes, and the packages ready to move to the new house… when shall I actually move, and get rid of this daily torture here??
And here are new heaps of glass that needs to be collected and cleaned…
I am sick of all this nonsense, and tired… as if life is moving in vain….
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I shall go to work….and write later when I get back home, that is, IF I remained alive, huh.
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I got back home at 2 p.m…. it was a tiring, busy day, among preparing price offers for water testing equipments, for some state organizations, then completing the monthly inventory for the shop’s sales…and in between taking phone calls, and the arguments and questions of customers…I got a headache, and fatigue…
And…there is a damned mouse in the shop, we apply a different plan every day to catch him, to no avail…but today, at the end of the work day, we left for him a piece of wood, full of strong glue, and a chunk of bananas…ha,ha,ha… what a Bourgeois Mouse? We shall see the outcome by today’s afternoon, or tomorrow morning.
On my way back home, I saw that the winter vegetables has arrived at the markets, that the side walks were full again with hills of fresh Lettuce, sacks of Carrots, Cabbages, and Chards… I smiled, my heart feeling happy by the approaching winter… here it comes, at last…
I remembered my mother, GOD bless her soul, when she used to come and visit me, and we would buy these vegetables from the market, she would smile and tell me: Look at Iraq, how much riches it has?? It is full of riches…water, lands, crops, and Oil….
I used to smile, taking her words as exaggeration… but today, I remember her with tears in my eyes…
I discovered that I have inherited from her, and from my father, the love of Iraq and its land… and that I passed on this love to my sons…
Thank GOD they didn’t turn out to be selfish, loving only themselves, and their interests, not caring about others. This is a disease that hits some people, and they would pass it on to their children, all to the pity.
The weather is getting a little colder… while some people are still wearing half- sleeves clothes. But we started opening our closets, and picking up long-sleeved cotton clothes, as a start… then, in a few weeks time, we shall be wearing wool, and lighting our heaters.
Winter is beautiful, its cold a lot more merciful than the heat of summer… but poor people face in winter the hardships of life, the need of clothes, and extra blankets, and under the rain and cold, diseases multiply.
Perhaps the poor love summer, with all its faults…. They are right!
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I sent the driver to call the owner of the nearby glass shop…to take the measurements of the windows, whose glass was smashed again this morning…
I think I started hating this house, waiting for the hour of salvation, and we are supposed to move in a few days’ time to the new house, but I see as if the time is heavy, and does not move…
I put the fruits and vegetables on the kitchen table…then went to sleep, I was very tired…I said; I’ll cook just before the Fast breaking time…I have enough time.
I woke up at 4 p.m., on the noise of the workers hammering the Aluminum Window frames, which were badly deformed by the force of the latest explosions… I went downstairs…I found that the kitchen was still with its broken window, and so was the bedroom…while they were fixing the guest’s room… my heart was clenched, by the sight of the house in a mess…all the boxes were covered by dust and broken glass…while the TV. Was speaking loudly about the results of the American Elections, and the high probability of Bush’s winning…. I felt a high charge of depression enveloping me… I went upstairs again… I had no wish to do anything…
I have a strong feeling of fatigue, and nausea.
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It is now 6.30 p.m…. the workers have finished mounting the glass, and I have finished cleaning the rooms of it, and gathered the remains in a Styrofoam box.
They say that this morning’s explosion was a trapped car near the Airport’s gates…
I feel hungry, but I have no wish to eat…
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I spent yesterday’s evening with Khalid, in a tour of furniture shops…… I want to buy a sofa set for the guest’s rooms in the new house… prices are fiery… but the pieces available were beautiful, mostly imported…some were Egyptians or Turkish. Or the wood was imported, and the manufacture was local, but very efficiently done, and beautiful, made to a catalogue… prices ranged between $ 900-2500… as for the local made, with local wood, the prices ranged from I.D. 500,000-1,000,000, (Iraqi Dienaars).
The most expensive were the gold colored, which contained wood carvings ($2000 or more), but I do not like that model much, it looks old fashioned, but they say such models are back to the markets today. I do not like chasing the Mode blindly.
Then I found that the carpets are also variant in origins and quality…but its prices were good and reasonably low, because importing it by large quantities lowered down the price, for there are the beautiful Iraqi carpets, locally made…and in the markets you also find Egyptian, Malaysian, Vietnamese, and European carpets… AH… these are the details of the joyful life…without the talk of wars, blood, and depression… this is how I think people outside Iraq live, talk, and discuss such matters… but we seemed to have forgotten it here… the whole world moves around us, in the fashion of clothes, furniture, and technological developments… while we sink here, in the stories of explosions, Al-Zarqawi, Fallujah, and others…. As if we have been cornered here in a dark tunnel…. Limited, suffocating, gloomy, boring, where life stops flowing….
Life is a flowing torrent of events…. How silly it becomes, if it stops flowing??
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The salaries of the state employees have improved, so, the prices of all merchandises has risen, especially the imported ones. The salaries used to be I.D 10,000-25,000 , but now they are I.D 300,000-400,000 … I was very happy to see that the Teacher’s salaries have also improved… the families can afford to buy new clothes for their children, for the feast, and the school year… or buy some electric equipments for the house, furniture, or a car.
Yes, there are some bright aspects in our lives, in spite of the calamities.
And I know that some fool will jump and say: Huh? Admit it, there are some bright sides to this war… I would laugh and say; all of life is a mixture of bright sides and dark sides…but in our minds we can comprehend how much the percentage is of this and that, and how logical it is, or illogical…
The bright sides were always there, even in the times of Saddam Hussein… (Baghdad was clean, we had security, the thieves were afraid of the state, and most of them were in prison), but, there was also political repression, freedom restraint, mass graves, and dictatorship. Now, the state employee’s salaries improved, the importation of everything is open; cars, furniture, and most other needs, but, there is also a lack of security, thieves, murderers, kidnappings, assassinations, explosions, terrorists, occupation forces, clashes…and new mass graves.
Am I exaggerating, or the pictures are realistic, in both cases???
But we hate the dark sides, always aiming at removing them from our lives… I think we are all alike in this theory…. Always looking for the best in our lives…
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The process of elections is a two-edged weapon…
From the one side, it gives the resolve and enthusiasm to participate, in the hope that the change towards the better occurs… and on the other side, perhaps it causes frustration, if the results come as the opposite of our wishes…
I can almost feel the sadness of the Americans who wanted to remove Bush, but didn’t succeed…
We have a saying, which we always repeat: Patience is Beautiful… and everything goes by the will of The CREATOR….not by the will of humans… and the choice in front of us in all cases is; not to lose hope, keep dreaming of what we want, and if it wasn’t fulfilled tomorrow, then maybe after tomorrow…
And if not this year…then maybe the next year…
We keep on our energy and conviction…. That is what the days and experiences taught us…
How many a hateful bosses we had to endure during a job?? But we didn’t stop working, and producing… and how many a partner in work or life, who was hateful, and intolerable, we endured, and life went on with us, and we worked, produced, and scored successes in our lives, without making that an excuse for failure, and defeat??
I have always learned from my experiences that; a blow that bothers you, shall make you stronger later, and more determinate…
And I always tell my self: next time the result will always be better. And in most cases…yes, the result is better, after I have been patient, older, and learned something new and useful from life.
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By the presence of Bush or Kerry, we expect no major changes in our lives…in Iraq, or the Middle East… things swill go on as they are…
But I do wish our determination and faith in our capability in making a better tomorrow…will remain, and wouldn’t change…nor weaken.
Half of America is with Bush, and his war on terrorism, his staying in Iraq… and the other half is against that idea.
It is just that I am certain, that each American who voted to Bush, gave the priority to the security of America…and sacrificed for this goal…
All right, the picture is clear now… every American soldier or civilian here or there, who supports Bush, has justified the war on Iraq, and agreed to it, to guarantee the safety of his country, and its stability…
And I will not allow any of them to become a philosopher, saying he supported it to liberate Iraq, or for the love of Iraqis, and the urge to help them. These slogans look like a (concealing letter)….
Protecting America is the first, and last goal… then, the justification to enter the Iraqi swamp, with honeyed words, to gain support…in Iraq, and the whole world.
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In IRAQ, like all other nations in the world, the street is also divided…
Some people, whose life and financial income has improved, support Bush, believing he came for them…(I don’t know whether they are selfish, and shortsighted, thinking only through the little circle of their lives, forgetting the suffering of others).
The others see, and expect, more violence, destruction, and blood…
I, like so many others, see that the Iraqi field has become a battle between America and its enemies in the world… the Iraqis being the victims between the two sides… there is an extremist violence that reveals deep hatreds, so it no longer cares who are the victims??
Iraqi Police, Iraqi civilians, an innocent Japanese hostage, or an American soldier…all alike.
I dream that IF this conflict and its symbols would stand on a carpet, then I would have called all the people I know, who love the best for Iraq, to help me drag this carpet, and bring it on to the gates of the Iraqi boarders… whatever boarder… then shake it strongly, so that everything on it would fall away from us… and let them all go to hell… so we could live in peace… building our lives, our country all over again…..
HA…HA…HA…HA…HA
Spiteful dreams…. But I wish they would come true one day…
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Translated by May/ Baghdad.

Saturday, October 30th, 2004
Good morning…
The month of Ramadan is still with us, we have just entered the second half of it… even though it has lost a lot of its "Special Flavor" during these hard days, but there is a serene silence at night, while the sounds come from the Minarets, as the Holy Quran is recited…after Al-Ishha'a prayer(= the day's last prayer, an hour or so after sunset), during Al-Taraweeh prayers (= Ramadan's special night prayers), and at the pre-dawn time, Al-Suhoor, just before the prayer at Dawn…
Yes, there is a 'Heavenly Charge' enveloping the atmosphere of the cities and their people, during Ramadan…giving it its special mode…the month of worship, and the thoughtful remembrance of GOD.
The weather started improving, getting a little colder in the morning and at night, but during the afternoons, it is still somewhat hot. We stopped using Air conditioners and Air coolers, but only the Fans, and sometimes it is cold for them, so we shut them down. So, the Electricity is a little bit better. The cold is approaching, people will use electric heaters, then the power supply will again suffer defectiveness, and higher rates of consumptions. But the Kerosene crises is looming from now on, people are complaining of its high prices, as they started buying and stocking it, for oil heaters.
But I do hope the days will bring all that is good and comforting to the miserable Iraqis.
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Next week will host the American Elections… I can feel, from here, the heat of the atmosphere, I mean, the heated situation…every one is running, panting to win…and we here are waiting to hear the developments of the situation there… always debating: What if Bush won again? What if Kerry won?
The answer is, in most cases : It makes no deference, they are all alike.
Of course, for the American citizen there is a difference, because there are some details that concern him there, like taxes, and the internal affairs of the country.
But as for the Iraqis, the matter resides in one subject: What shall the American Administration submit in help for the Iraqis, so they could build their country and life a new…. How serious is this Administration in improving the reality of the daily life of the Iraqis, providing security, and economic projects, employing the unemployed, and helping the Iraqis elect new leading symbols, loyal to Iraq, and the Iraqis… this is the Agenda that concerns people here… waiting to be implemented….
People here do not want to hear boring speeches and applause… they want to see with their eyes, and touch, the real change in their lives…change towards the better…for the Iraqi, his family and children…they all dream of a shining future…wanting the whole world to help them to fulfill this hope….
It is not important who comes and who goes…the important thing is: Who will implement? And who offers the sincere help?
This is what the coming days and years shall reveal.
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I receive a lot of e-mail letters… some are short, made up of a few lines, words of affection and greetings… some are long, with repeated words I have heard before, and some carry a speech I know, but I stop along time by it…because it came straight and honest… yes, I like honesty and directness in speech, I do not like beating around the bush, or adornment…it carries the smell of lies, and hypocrisy.
The letter was short and clear, from an American father, saying he has a 17 years old son who is supposed to come to Iraq next year, as a recruit. He was angry somewhat, perhaps because of my articles, or the media, for he sees, as a conclusion, that America is sacrificing itself, and its boys for a nation that does not appreciate sacrifices, an ungrateful nation… and he says, Ask your people: Do we deserve the sacrifices of America for us??
He says: You resent the coming of America, and the war, but (You enjoy the freedom now), and you have a website on which to write what you want, and all this is because of America, so ask your self and family: Do we deserve the sacrifices of America??
My son shall come to Iraq, not for the Oil, or to have a high salary, nor to get a scholarship, but because he is proud of his country, America, and because he loves freedom, and wants to spread it to all countries of the world, Iraq included.
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Everyday I smile, and remember that letter…You enjoy the freedom, and, ask your family and people: Do we deserve the sacrifices of America for us?? Then I laugh…
We have a common saying in Iraq, when someone intrudes to perform a favor to someone else, without being asked, then messes things up, and the person concerned would yell in anger, against that person’s intrusion: Who sent such a black message to you, calling you to do this? Who asked for your help?? I was going to manage my affairs anyway…but here you came, and ruined everything…so, please be kind enough to show me how to fix things up???
Isn’t this how it looks, for the Iraqis with America??
Huh…by GOD it is a funny world, all kinds of catastrophes fall upon your head, by the foolishness of others…then you are accused of being ungrateful, and impolite…
It is funny..........
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Where is the problem??
There is a big gap between the American point of view to the matter, and the Iraqi…
The American sees himself as the legendary hero, sacrifices for the sake of freedom…to spread it around the world (like the prophets of long ago used to spread religions on earth, especially to the ignorant nations, and this is a principle that is worthy of sacrifice, to remove them from the state of unawareness, to the state of knowledge), and the American fancies himself as a prophet, carrying a holy message.
But the Iraqi finds this a non-convincing story, that it is not anyone’s business to interfere in the lives of others, spoiling it in order to achieve some principles and idealisms that concern him personally, which he finds among the priorities of his life…
The Iraqi sees in the American (especially the soldier) a symbol of a fully armed occupation force…an occupation force of a foreign country.
So, don’t talk, and do not explain…
Who in the world wishes to see a foreign occupation force on his land, to clap for them, and present them with flowers??
A joke…
But America believes this joke… thinking it for real…and wants to force us to believe it…so, all right, for one and a half years, what have we seen???
Our feelings were calm, not hostile or angry when they entered Iraq, and Baghdad on the 9th of April, 2003… so why, after months and months, our anger grew, and our rejection of their presence??
Even that who used to dream they were carrying welfare to us…his dreams fell to the ground of painful reality, and were smashed…fading away as a cloud…and went far…
There is a feeling of disappointment in each Iraqi’s heart, who supported America in its war on Saddam Hussein. Even those who hate him, feel frustrated today, from America, and what she did in destroying our lives and dreams here… and we always think, and ask: Was there a conspiracy, or plain stupidity??
The western nations always rule out the conspiracy theory, and make fun of it.
And the Arabian nations believe in the conspiracy theory, because they suffered from previous experiences, and were frustrated from alliances destroyed by treason and conspiracies…so they no longer believe in the foreigners….
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The Arabs and Britain…. A painful historic experience….
Our generation did not live through it, but we heard our fathers and grandparents speak about it, and the history books are still available, for all generations to read.
The Arabic countries were suffering then from the Turkish/ Ottoman Imperialism…for as long as five centuries in time. These nations suffered a lot from the cruelty of the occupier, his injustice and mercilessness, even though they used Islam as a cover to justify their presence, and the right to rule. But the Arabs refused this Imperialism, while respecting and holding on to their religion, but they found no reason to submit, and keep quiet.
And the Ottoman state repressed the Arabs, and was very cruel to them, to the extent of banning the Arabic language from being used…wanting to make the Turkish language as the official language… and this was a great provoking and loathing to Arabs.
The Prophet Mohammad (The Prayers of GOD, and His Blessings be upon Him), was an Arab, and the Holy Quran is in Arabic, so how could they submit to such disregard, and injustice.
The Arabs rebelled against the Ottoman state, and its arrogance…and Turkey used to meet this by more violence, mass executions to rebels, and dissidents.
Then the First W. War came, Turkey made an alliance with Germany… and Britain, in alliance with France against Germany, interfered, opening dialogue channels with the Arabs… there were some talks, and promises…
If you rebel against the Ottoman state, and helped us defeat them…we shall help you establish an independent Arabic state.
Of course the Arabs welcomed the idea, because it was the way to their salvation… they presented sacrifices, in souls and money, to achieve that goal….in all love, honesty, and sincerity.
Do you know how is the love of an Arab, his honesty, and sincerity??
It is something that flows from his soul…clear…transparent…beautiful, unmatched.
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These days I am reading the Diaries of Lawrence, (Lawrence of Arabia)…
He was a British Officer, commissioned to help the Arabs, and train them to blow up railway lines, and the Turkish trains loaded with soldiers, provisions, and ammunitions to the Turkish Army, crossing through the Arabian Desert… he used to discuss with their leaders the plans of movements, and the means of taking over cities, one by one…from Mecca, to the northern side of Arabia, to Al-Aqaba Port…reaching into Damascus… throwing out the Turkish army from all this region, liberating it, so that the Arabs could rule themselves by themselves. And, of course, when the campaign neared its end, as it was scoring victories, by the faith and faithfulness of the Arabs… Lawrence discovered that the British administration was not serious in its words with the Arabs… He felt shame, and sadness from this treason… he didn’t know how to behave, how to face the doubts of Arabs… but he vowed to himself to remain loyal to the Arabs till the end…
How many foreigners have the mannerisms of Lawrence, and his honesty?? And how much the Iraqis need the honest, loyal types, who love the Arabs and Iraqis, like Lawrence??
But those who come here love themselves, and America…they love themselves and America above every thing else …… and are proud of themselves and America. They look upon Arabs, and Iraqis, as lower creatures…
Lawrence lived with the Arabs, understood their transparent spirits, their honesty, and loyalty…loving them, and writing about them in all honesty. Where are the Americans who love and understand the Arabs, and their way of thinking?? Respecting their beautiful view of life??
What do Americans know about us??
Nothing…I believe this is the model answer…
And, if you knew nothing about some nation, how can you claim you have come to help that nation build its future??
What is the joint vision between you and them?? Or are you going to force them to build their lives by your American mood??
The gap will be widening and growing between the two parties…
There is some stupidity in the matter.
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And First W. War ended, Turkey was defeated…but the Arabs were surprised by the treason of Britain, and France, and their denial of the pretty promises.
The Arabic nation was divided into British and French colonies, by the Syxis – Peque treaty, (1916-1917). And the Arabic states began living a new nightmare… the promised friend turned into a new occupier…
Doesn’t this history look like a surrealistic story, which can’t be believed?? The struggle started a new…from scratch…against Britain and France, against the injustice and tyranny of the occupier. Our fathers and grandfathers spent most years of their lives confronting the new Imperialism to get him out of the Arabic land, and get their freedom.
All Arabic states got their independence from Imperialism since the beginning of the fifties of last century, till mid sixties. But Palestine remained as a thorn in the throats of the Arabs, spoiling their lives, reminding them of the treason of Britain, as it permitted the establishing of the state of Israel on that land…bringing Jewish settlers from all over the world…to kill Palestinians, drive them out, then occupy their towns and villages.
A shameful history…still alive in the minds of Arabs…everyday…morning and night.
Then America came along, toppling the regime of Saddam Hussein, with the excuse of looking for weapons of mass destruction, and the war on terrorism…
Having found no weapons of mass destruction, nor any such things…they opened the gates of hell upon us, I mean the gates of terrorism, which is something we have never known in our lives, not even in the dark days of the rule of Saddam Hussein.
And now, there is the tale of Al-Zarqwi and his gang…following the tale of the weapons of mass destruction…
As if we are circling in an endless, empty circle.
And then, people in America wonder: Why do you think by the mentality of the Conspiracy Theory??
Well, come and live our lives, look at our past, and experiences with the west, then tell us; if you would have been in our place, what would you have done?? How would you have thought??
The common saying here says: That who is under the lashes of the whip, is not like that who stands aside, and count the blows.
And it is the Iraqi people who are under the lashes of the whip, every day, every hour…..
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Now, there is the story of 400 tons of explosives, which disappeared from the site of Al-Qa’qaa Establishment, after the fall of Baghdad.
Where did it go??
Why are they wondering?? Isn’t it what is being used to destroy our lives with daily explosions that do not stop??
Since the bombing of the Jordanian Embassy in August 3rd 2003, then the United Nations Headquarters in Baghdad… then the trapped cars against the civilians, the Iraqi police, and the army, then against the occupation forces convoys in the streets…and there were the locally made bombs, and mines, and cartridges…
We have seen all types of hell here, probably manufactured by these 400 tons… and there is still something left of it, probably… that will keep on bombing our lives day and night, till they find it…or it might be used up, before they discover its place.
Huh…doesn’t our life resemble a silly, comic play??? That makes the audience laugh at the beginning…and provoke their indignance at the end…
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A little while ago, I saw Bin Laden on TV., Ha, so he is still alive?
Well, he has an excellent timing for his speeches… I bet that this speech, in which he threatened new military operations against America, will make Bush happy, and increase his popularity.
I think that whoever wants to carry out new operations wouldn’t shout, informing everyone the good news; Hay, are you listening?? I will execute new explosions in your cities...Ha, Ha, run and hide from me …..
Isn’t this silly, and petty??
When they blasted the New York towers they didn’t notify anyone with these silly, loosing messages, on TV. Channels. The whole operation took place silently, making the whole world shocked, and amazed.
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My heart tells me that the culture of violence and panic, that Bush and Bin Laden imbedded in the minds of the Americans, is still reaping its fruits… Bush shall win a new presidential election, and perhaps, by the end of the next four years, the Americans will discover the truth…
Was Bush right, was he leading them on the right path?? Or are they following him, from labyrinth to labyrinth??
I do not know…days will carry the answers.
But we in Iraq carry other worries…we want someone to get close, and extend the hand of help to the Iraqis, to manufacture a new future, without violence, without terrorism.
The country needs new leaderships, loyal to the Iraqi people…who think seriously in the possible ways of salvation, and solving the complicated, cumulative files… the file of security and stability, and how to achieve it on the ground of reality… the file of administrative corruption, and how to cure it… the file of reinforcing the Iraqi Police and Army, and making sure of the loyalty, and ascertaining the absence of unfaithful, traitorous members… the file of the boarders, and catching the illegal entries… the file of economy, and how to revive it…the file of unemployment, and creating job opportunities, and projects for the citizens….
Many complicating files… I wish the Iraqis would grasp them, and control them, in an honest, truthful, national spirit, that loves what is good to Iraq, and the Iraqis..
And I wish the occupation forces would have moved away, to far-off camps outside of cities…then the next step would be moving out of Iraq…
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Then the Iraqi elections shall take place, at the beginning of next year…
We do not know much about the subject…its details are still ambiguous; No names, no pronounced lists, no photos, no faces, and no election campaigns… time is running short, and we saw nothing of all these…
whom shall we elect?? How shall we know the good from the bad??
The candidates are afraid to appear and announce their names, for fear of being killed, or kidnapped, or terrorized…
And we all want the elections, and that who wants to postpone it, has very suspectable intentions… and that who very insistent about the date, also has non-guaranteed intentions, and both ways, the conditions are miserable.
I do not know how this subject is going to be dealt with… the people want elections with new, clean faces, honest and nationalist, but the conditions are bad, and ambiguous, and it shall not permit elections that fulfill the desired ambitions.
I do not know how shall it be accomplished, with the best of results, and the least of losses??
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Sunday, October 31st , 2004
Good morning…
It is now 8 a.m., I heard the noises of missiles falling on the Airport, the whole house shook, then some more missiles fell… the sound is powerful, reminding me of the war days, 2003, and the rockets were falling on nearby Iraqi targets.
Then I heard the sound of a far away alarm siren… a sound I have not heard since the fall of Baghdad…
Now many American helicopter planes passed along in the sky, fast and brutish, as if snarling…perhaps heading to the area from which the missiles were fired…
There is a big aerostat (Balloon) in the sky, in our area, its shape is like a white whale, and I remembered a cartoon series that my kids used to love when they were children, named : The White Whale, ha..ha…
People say that this balloon is carrying a heat detector, which can discover from where the missiles were launched…
Yesterday, the cleaning lady told me, and she lives in Abu Ghareeb area, that missiles sail above their heads on its way to the airport….
I do not know where it comes from…
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At three o’clock in the morning, I woke up to a sound I have not heard for a long time…
The room’s windows were open, and the quiet of the night was deep, and beautiful, there were some cold breezes coming through the open windows into the room…
I woke up to the sound of the drum knocking, Tab Tab Tab, and its bearer saying: Suhoor… you who are fasting… Suhoor (the Pre-Dawn meal)… Tab Tab Tab tab…
I drowned in the smile on my face, and the childish happiness in my heart… I have not heard this beloved sound for a long time… perhaps because we used to close the windows, and turn on the air conditioner…or perhaps the man didn’t come before, fearful of the bad security conditions.
I imagined the American patrol passing, and seeing him, what would they think of him?? What is this crazy man doing, walking the streets as time is approaching dawn, knocking on the drum, and yelling, like a fool…perhaps they will arrest him…hah..ha.
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I imagined all the Arabic cities and capitals sharing these nice rituals, Ramadan and the drum of Suhoor, and the minarets reciting Quran, and calling: ALLAH AKBAR… ALLAH AKBAR… (GOD is the Greatest).
Words reverberating in the quiet of night, as if asking people to wake up of their slumber, in which they fall, day and night…
I remembered when we were kids, climbing the window of our old living room, watching the man with the drum, laughing and shouting like amazed fools, as if we saw a creature from Mars… and at the Feast, the man with the drum comes to collect the Feast rewards from the houses, who woke up, and had their Suhoor, thanks to the drum (the alarm clock of that time)… the man usually comes accompanied with a bunch of children (kids- in the Iraqi local dialect)….and those would testify that he was the drummer who comes each night… then another bunch would arrive, with another drummer… and he would claim the reward, the people of the houses would yell reprovingly, while the kids would testify again that this is the real drummer…Ha Ha.
How many beautiful follies live in our memories….
I saw the same scene in Amman, where we lived for ten years…and in Saudi Arabia, where we lived for four years… and it is the same scene I saw in my beloved Baghdad, in the days of my childhood…and today also, I see it alive, in front of me…
Yes…there are some invisible, soft lines, that connects our Arabic cities and its people, since thousands of years…
Similar habits and customs, in Ramadan and the two Feasts, in Engagements and Marriages, in Funerals and deaths…and in the relations of families with each other, and with neighbors and relatives….
In ambitions, dreams, and the love of ones country….all of them as if they are a part of a musical piece, with one composer…..
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The lives of nations pass many stages, like the life of a human being, brilliant stages, full of accomplishments and creativeness, then stages of frustration, inactivity, and silence…
And as if I see the history of Arabs passing in front of me, as a series, through the history books….
The Pre-Islam period, and the search for identity, and being…
Then the period of the Prophet Mohammad, (The Prayers of GOD, and His Blessings be upon Him), and the forming of a strong, clear identity. That was the beginning of forming the Arabic-Islamic state…then, after the Prophet, there was the state of Al-Rashideen Caliphs (the four leaders), then the Umayyad state, its capital being in Al-Sham area, then the Abbasid state, whose capital was Baghdad, then its end and fall, by foreign tribes like Moguls, Turks, and Iranians, who took over Iraq, and other Arabic states… so the history of the Arabic nation went into stages of darkness, sorrow, and pain…...while there was light and radiance in the periods of Arab rule of themselves… hundreds of scientists in every field of literature, arts, and science…in history, geography, medicine, and engineering…
The heritage is still available, testifying for a culture that was brilliant, and illuminating….and symbols and names unforgotten, no matter how much time elapses…poets like Al-Mutana’abi, AL-Ma’arry, Abu-tammam, Al-Buhturi, and Abu Firas Al-Hamadani…
And before them, in the pre-Islamic period; Imru’u Al-Qaise, and the poets of Al-Mua’allacat (those poems that were hanged for all to see, being the most brilliant in Arabic poetry of its time), their poems so difficult, we almost perished memorizing them, in the Literature class, when we were at school…
Scientists and philosophers, like: Ibn Sina, Al-Tabary, Al-Faraby, Ibn Al-Haitham, Ibn Al-Bittar, and Ibn Rushud…
Clerics like: AL-Gazzaly, Ibn Taimmia, and Ibn Al- Qauim…
And the fathers of the religious doctrines, like : Ibn Hanbal, Abu Haneefa, Ibn Malik, and others…
And the men who collected the Prophets sayings, and documented them in major books, like: Muslim’s Saheeh (the correct book), Saheeh Al-Bukaree, and others…
And many books explaining the Holy Quran… and books and books in the different human sciences, which I cannot count all…
But they confirm the fact that this nation is one of thought, and creativity…and has names and symbols whose memory is eternally remembered… leaving no subject without discussion and analysis…
But today she lives her dark, sad days…
The whole nation is in an ordeal….not Iraq alone…
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At some time in our lives, in childhood…we used to sing at school, in the morning : The Arab’s land is my country…From Syria to Baghdad…From Najid to Yemen… to Egypt, then Tatwan.
I suppose our whole generation, from the ocean to the Gulf sang this song, and believed in it, dreaming of one country, like the U.S.A, but an Arab one…
The years passed, the dreams evaporated….the Arab countries moved away from each other… and there were some enmities and grudges, especially after the Kuwait War, which was the straw that sank the boat…the Arabs became divided between a supporter of Saddam Hussein, and a supporter of Kuwait.
Then the economic embargo against Iraq started, and some Arabs supported it, while others rejected it…
Then came the war on Iraq, 2003
Some Arabs supported it frankly…while others were silent…
The Arabs were torn apart, returning like the tribes of early ignorance period…each thinking of himself, and his interests…and the nations are sad, and feeling pain…always demanding that the leaderships should override differences. But differences grew bigger…evil prevailed…and falsehood, and the separation we always feared, happened. We became weak, divided countries, possessing no strength, nor value. In our eyes America came to represent the unjust enemy who divided us…and took advantage of each alone, as weak victims, fearful of it, and obeying.
America appeared on the scene since the Iran-Iraq war, (1980), and is still there….
And with time, the Arabic people are being sure that America thinks only of its interests, wanting the Arabs to obey her.
The media broadcasted by Arabic Satellite channels mostly loves America, or is afraid of her… rarely does it speak rationally, and clearly…
And the Arabic nation is bored of talk, and dreams…. In our hearts there is still the doubts against everything that is foreign, because we see them as people who do not love us, but love their interests here, and there is a gap between us, that nobody could fill, until now…
The war on terrorism widened this gap…and the language of hate and violence, has become mutual.
Unfortunately, this is the reality of matters …..
Who will change it??? And when???
I think this needs tens of years, many efforts, and the honesty of good wishes, to fill the gap between the Arabic people, and America…..
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There is something else that puzzles me…
By my e-mail, I receive hundreds of letters from the American people, bearing love, respect, and noble emotions… I feel mystified when I read them…. these are people like us, who have kind hearts, and true emotions, wishing us a better life, and future…
And they apologize for what their government has done against us, asking: How can we make up for our guilt??
By GOD, I swear to you that this is real, and I cannot put the letters everyday on my website for you to read, for this might come as a kind of embarrassment, or a publicity I do not like.
And when Raid and Khalid suggested on their websites, the donations campaign for the Iraqi Hospitals, to buy medicines and medical equipments…they received donations from American people, by the average of $50-100 each… accompanied by letters bearing nice, polite words, and an apology that they couldn’t donate a bigger amount….
I see this experience, and live it everyday, so are my sons…we see the true, beautiful face of these people, away from the lights, publicity, and the lies.
And some questions puzzle me: What is the percentage of these nice people in their country?? Are they a minority, or the majority?? And why wouldn’t their voice and feelings reach the Arabic people?? Why do we only hear the American administration’s speeches, its threats, arrogance, and hostile declarations, Bush, Ramsfeild, Cheeny, and others.
I think that, when dialogue channels are open between Arabic and Western people, there would be no wars, or hatreds, ever… each of them will discover how similar we are…how we all love our families, countries, and love peace…
But there are some fools who want us to be enemies…spreading hate, malice, and violence between us… because their interests and greed are achieved through wars, violence, and hate.
When will people open their eyes…love each other… and peace would prevail on earth??
Am I naïve??? I do not know….
But I will keep dreaming of this…and shall do all I can to achieve it…
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The emergency doctor at the Al-Fallujah hospital called, two days ago..
He said: Please, I have something to ask you. I said: Please do.
He said: it seems that someone gave my mobile phone number to people in America…
I asked Khalid, and he was beside me, he nodded his head: Yes, I gave them the number.
I said: What is the problem? Who called you??
The Doctor said: There is a group who wants to make an interview with me, by phone or Internet.
I said : Yes, they are a group of Americans who want to help you, and hear your point of view, so that people there could hear it…
He said: Please, you do not know the complicated situation here…when people know I have a connection with some Americans, they wouldn’t understand this talk. I shall be hurt…they don’t know, or distinguish…do you understand my situation??
I laughed…… said: Yes…I understand you..
He said: Please tell them not to call me…
I said: Unfortunately, these circumstances force us to be afraid, and negative…
He said: I apologize…I want to finish this call…do you hear?? An American air raid just started here….good bye. Then he closed the line….
The call was just before the sunset fast breaking, and the prayers of evening…. And there is an air raid there…
My heart was squeezed…I remembered the American who told me: ask your people, do we deserve the sacrifices of America for us??
I smiled, and nodded my head… There is a missing link between us and them… they see the situation with entirely different eyes…thinking themselves right. And feel angry when we try to explain the situation to them…
I remembered a friend who used to write to me, from Boston… one day I put a photo of a wall demolished by the occupation forces, that used to separate between a residential area, and the airport road… of course demolishing it was a disaster to the residents, for the resistance operations increased against the military convoys, that became exposed to all, while the wall used to protect the airport road…
This American sent me an e-mail, saying naively: Oh, but this is good, look at the bright side of things…these are areas of exposed land, so plant them with vegetables and beautiful greeneries, like the ones I plant in my back garden…
Of course I was amazed by this suggestion, and I fell in laughter… she could not imagine that this area could very well be planted with mines, always threatened under fire shooting, by both sides, (the resistance and the Americans)…meaning: This is a death field…not a domestic planting field.
How do I explain to her, make her see the picture???
Those who do not know the reality and its details here…gets lost in faraway dreams…dreams that could destroy them, and us.
Isn’t this is what’s happening to us?? There is a big hole between our reality…and what the Americans think, there.
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By mid next December, by the will of GOD, I shall have a full year since I started writing on this website… it feels like five years to me…so full of events…
What did I gain from this site?? A lot of people ask…
Personally, I gained a lot… this site helped me to know people closely…I mean westerners. Most the website visitors are Americans, then Europeans, Asians, then Arabs… and most people I got close to, and talked to, are Americans. Most people who talk to me are polite, friendly people, who respect others, and do not brag or be arrogant. There is a silly, malicious minority, and most times, I do not answer them. I get an average of one poisonous letter every two months. I don’t know…maybe by time people would come to know this site, so that people who visit it are only those who harmonize with the talk of its patron…perhaps that is the reason my visitors are so quiet.
On the general level, what did this site achieve for me? Unfortunately, here I find myself frustrated, for I couldn’t convey the influence of this site to the people around me… the conditions here are bad…and whoever deals friendly with America, get a lot of question marks around him, and will be subjected to harm, and doubts in his national feelings… perhaps because the language of hate and violence is the prevailing one in the world now…while the language of peace and dialogue does not find someone to listen to. No one knows about my site except a very small bunch around me…not my brothers and sisters, not my neighbors, nor my friends, nor the business colleagues… and that is something that hurts me…but the harsh circumstances here compels us to choose silence sometimes.
With days to come…I hope conditions get better, so that everyone should know I am here…
I love Iraq and the Iraqis…I want peace and stability to us all…to all the people on earth. I believe in the notion of extending our hands to the world around us…so they would extend theirs to help us build a better future… a better future for all of us… without wars…without hate…without violence.
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Our house lives these days a state of chaos…some of the furniture has been moved to the new house…tens of cartoon boxes fill the rooms, containing books, games, and glassware…by the will of GOD, we shall move by next week, before the feast….how much stuff gets accumulated at houses, and when people want to travel, or change houses, they wonder: Why did we buy all this?? How foolish we were, why do we need all these saucers, or house goods, books, games, clothes, and shoes??
Of course, we give away a lot of it, but it accumulates back again… a bothersome matter… each time I promise myself not to buy or store things…then years would pass, and I find out that they have become much, and are stored, in spite of me…
I wish our new house were a lot more quiet than this one…I mean, more secure, and less explosions. And I wish Raid and Majid will be back to live with us in the new house one day…yes, I’ll keep dreaming of our family reunited again… not just our family…but all Iraqi families separated by the sad events for tens of years…since the Iran war, the Kuwait war, the years of embargo, and the last war…
I wish prosperity will reside in Iraqi lands… that Iraqis shall see peace and security… that the coming elections shall be a successful, pleasing experience to the Iraqis, that will become the first step to a better life…and a beautiful future…
I wish all peace and coolness upon Iraq, and the Iraqis….
A prayer chanted in our hearts…we say it each day and night……hoping it will be fulfilled one day.
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Translated by May/ Baghdad.