A Family in Baghdad

Thursday, March 27th, 2008
Peace be upon you….
Keeping a diary is no longer one of the daily rituals of my life, like it was while we lived in Baghdad… or even after I left Baghdad to Jordan in 2005.
I don't know; perhaps because of the big amount of calamities I witnessed among the Iraqis here, or listening to the silly news from inside Iraq everyday; all these things made me feel tedious from writing, with an increased conviction that helping people is the best way to create the positive change on the ground, instead of wasting the time in talking and empty dispute…..
I also know that the solution to Iraq's problems is a political solution, not a military one. But I do what I can to ease the suffering of poor and powerless families that I meet here, who need the aid to remain alive…
Three years passed while I am here, five years since the war and occupation of Iraq, and hundreds of sad stories are weighing on my heart with the passage of time, turning me into a sad creature most of the time, and serious to an extent that I might appear harsh to a lot of the people who do not know me for true….
In truth; I do not like to appear harsh or dry, but I can't help it… and I say to myself: these are the features of people who went through rough experiences, like wars…then I console myself by saying: and that is a lesser outcome than a shaken personality, or thwarting and the loss of hope…
Inside me, there is still strength, patience, and a big amount of hope… but I have lost a lot of my tender personal and romantic characteristics… even my tears became scarce; I no longer see them coming down easily, and while after the war I cried a lot, I now find no use or merit in crying….. perhaps seeing people and hearing about their disasters gave my heart that "something" of strength and firmness… but in my heart there is still a lot of mercy and compassion for the poor, and that is something I am always keen on keeping in my heart; mercy and compassion for the weak creatures…. These are noble humanitarian features, and I think that whoever loses them has lost a big part of his humanity…. ****************************************
Pets are weak creatures I love very much since my childhood; they give me a sense of personal calm. That is why I am always keen on keeping a cat at home, and since I came to Jordan till now, I had three cats…. The first ran onto the street and disappeared a year ago, the second got sick and died months ago and I cried about her, the third is a small gray kitten I called "Tigger", who is now six months old. He greets me when I get home, rushing towards me, running around me to show his joy with Mama's return. He sits at the table when I take my meals, curls in my lap when I use the computer, and sleeps over my head or chest when I lay down to sleep, and when I am annoyed at that and push him away, he sits on the pillow pulling at my head with his claws, forging a long battle with my hair locks, forcing me to spank him, then he runs away…sometimes we spend time playing and fighting, and I end the play quickly because his claws are strong, and my hands show the marks of playing with him…. This crazy little cat is my joy during the absence of my sons… this relation with him takes away a lot of the daily exhaustion and stress, due to dealing with different types of people, most of whom are tiresome and difficult to please….or due to the stories of devastated Iraqis I meet, which tried me and saddened my heart very much…. *********************************
How many a family used to live under the roof of a secure house, having a steady means of income, with secure and stable rituals of daily life, but war and the occupation destroyed all, tearing such families apart, depriving them of house and income by which they lived, so they came here, to Amman, for example, went to Syria, or other "disperse" countries, to live in a state of panic and fear, of what happened and what shall come, their state spelling: where were we, and how we became? They spend their days inquiring and looking for aid, from governments, organizations, or embassies… they left no door un-knocked upon, but in most cases they got nothing but disappointment, or drops of aid that isn't enough for a decent living…
I always hoped I would have the time to write long stories about many families, so that people would know the details of the Iraqis' lives, here and there…
We are all humans, having many common points; we hate politics, taken advantages, and all the useless empty talk; we hate wars, occupation, and the innocent's bloodshed; we sympathize with each other when we hear of a family with a sick child without the means to pay for his treatment… or about a family that has lost the father, and the young wife remained with a number of orphans; how would this family arrange its affairs to raise these orphans, to educate them until they pass the danger zone into the shores of safety? How many a situation of exploitation will face this young woman who lives with her children without protection? And many other women whom I found living alone, because their families were killed or displaced, so they went out looking for a better future. Some were widows, divorced, or not married in the first place; how many dangers will they face? Who shall protect them? And many men living alone, because their families were in Iraq and couldn't catch up with them; they suffer because of their inability to reunite the family, and because they live in conditions of poverty and depravation the likes of which they never encountered any time before…
I don't know why the feeling grows inside me that the world in which we live is a world without justice, without mercy; people became cruel-hearted, stupid, and selfish; that who has doesn't think of helping those who need help. These wars destroyed people's ethics, not just their lives….the poor people's lives were destroyed and their needs and sufferings increased, and the rich people's money and the hardness of their hearts increased…. The number of poor people is increasing day by day; they are a majority… the rich people own what is more than their needs, monopolizing wealth to themselves, and they are a minority…
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This war destroyed the lives of millions of Iraqi people, but who can get to them to hear their sad stories?
Often, western people call me; journalists or documentary film makers, asking to arrange interviews with Iraqi families, to publish the stories of their sufferings around the world, but their numbers remain limited, and their efforts also; people around the world will remain under the influence of the silly, frustrating news bulletins, which no one cares about any more; because they keep repeating the same boring stories, showing explosions, fires, and screaming people; turning the war, violence and killing into an ordinary daily ritual…..
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I spent the last three years in various voluntary works to help the Iraqis, through which I acquired an experience of how to deal with people and how to solve their problems in a practical way, despite the multitude of needs and the scarcity of financial sources…. A month ago I got a job with one of the local organizations here, which works with the High Commissioner for Refugees, executing programs serving the Iraqi refugees in Jordan, and of course, the disasters are big, but the financing was small, as usual…
The High Commissioner for Refugees always cries that there are not enough resources to spend upon the Iraqis' needs; food, medical treatment, school fees, or other necessary needs of people everywhere…. While I wonder with myself: How many millions are being spent daily on the war in Iraq? Tanks, fighter planes, helicopters, soldiers, security men, heavy and light weapons, and an endless list of spending… numbers speaking of two or three Trillion Dollars as the expenses of the war on Iraq, a deficit in the American budget approaching two Trillion Dollars, an international decline in the Dollar value, and other disasters that would befall the American economy in the near future….
Then, the question is: who is the winner out of this stupid war?

Bush, Dick Cheney, and others of the war propagandists in the world claim that some positive developments took place in Iraq, and I always wonder what are these developments that the poor Iraqi citizen couldn't comprehend; a citizen still deprived of security, stability, clean water, stable electricity power, and available jobs.
So, what are these positive developments that Bush and Cheney mean?
Building permanent American military bases in Iraq?
Killing more Iraqis opposing the American existence?
Enabling the Iraqi leaderships advocating Bush to get a firm control over decision-making in Iraq?
Long-term, cheaply-priced contracts to invest Iraqi oil to American companies?

We have a saying that says: …and what is hidden is graver…. Meaning- Bush, Cheney, and their likes of criminals have a lot of reasons to insist upon remaining in Iraq, and whatever happened in Iraq or in America; the humanitarian or economical disasters, to them, are things worthy of being the price of advantages they dream of accomplishing in the long run….
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At the same time, I receive new calls every day reporting of Iraqi families suffering from deprivation, hunger, and disease, in need of food rations, someone to pay the house rent, or treatment for a patient…
meaning- only a $100 can bring joy to the house and hearts of a family of five....
while millions of Dollars are spent every day in Iraq to kill more innocents and civilians, destroy their cities and villages, and their future?
What is this dirty world around us, a world that has lost its morals?
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These days, there is fighting going on in Baghdad and the southern governorates, like Kut, Hilla, and especially Basra. There is a curfew and deep tension in Diwaneyya, Nassireya, and other southern governorates… there is fighting going on between the police force, army, and militias belonging to Parties in the government backed by the American forces, on one side, against AL-Mahdi Army; a militia belonging to Muqtada Al-Sader, on the other side….
Yesterday, a reporter from a British Radio station called me, and asked me in an interview on the air: Do you think that these battles between the Iraqi government and the militias are an indication that the Iraqi government assumed its role to control Iraq, improve the security conditions, and curtail the role of the militias?
I don't know why these people in the west illustrate things in a way totally different from reality?
The issue is; there is an election due to take place in the Iraqi governorates next October, and there is a divergence in viewpoints between the Muqtada Al-Sader's people, on one side, and Al-Hakeem and Al-Maliki's people on the other side, these last two being more loyal to the occupation, while the former has anti-occupation stances. So it seems obvious these are settlement operations for political interests in the first place, so they can obtain seats in the Governorates' Councils after the elections, and pass on laws, like the Federalism Law, for example, and other laws that Bush and Cheney would consider "positive achievements", while Iraqis like me consider them historical disasters; Who would be happy to see his country being fragmented into small, torn, combating pieces, ruled by thieves and militias?
And of course, these bloody settlements take place on the streets of Iraq, with tens or perhaps hundreds of innocent Iraqi civilians as their victims, but no one would beat the drums and cry upon them as Bush and Blair cried for the victims of Saddam Hussein, the dictator….
Why?
Because this government in Iraq is friendly to Bush, and its faults should be covered up?
Hummmm….
It is a world of interests, my dear; there is no pure- white nor pure- black; colors turn according to moods, and so does the explanations of events, according to moods… and, oh, poor Iraq, poor are the people of Iraq; for there is an over-powered majority, paying the price of the foolishness of a corrupt minority…
We ask God to give us patience, until we can see the end of this bloody play that has been going on the Iraqi land since the occupation…for five scrawny years, full of devastation, ruin, death, and bloodshed….
We rely on God, the best Supporter…
And we also wait to see the end of Bush and whoever supported him in this war; how should that end be?