A Family in Baghdad

Monday, March 19th, 2007
Peace be upon you…
I had no wish to write anything these days…
Last week I have been ill, tired physically and psychologically; there is a small, mean stone sticking inside my ureter for three months now, and it is torturing me. I drank a lot of liquids, juices, and boiled herbs, but it didn’t break or slip down. Then I had a Sonar Scan, and found it still in place, so, I decided to agree to submit to an operation of lithotripsy by Laser or Ultrasound beams, I don't know which, I haven't the mood to learn these details.
I went to hospital; and it was an hour and a quarter session of torture. The doctor said: Now it is supposed to have been frittered, so, drink a lot of liquids, and come back in a week's time to have another Sonar Scan…
I didn't like the idea, and decided not to go back to them again. I do not like the smell of hospitals, or the mentality of these doctors, for I see they have a materialistic greed that exceeds their humanity, and the poor patient who came after me was an Iraqi, and they raised the prices for him, winking to me not to tell him that I paid fifty Dinnars less than he did…
I felt disgusted from them, their sick personalities; these people build their happiness and fortunes upon people's pain…
And why should I blame them?
Where are humanity and the fine morals in our lives today?
As if they became things from the past…. From an ancient old time, gone, not to come back again…
********************************
Then, the next story I want to tell; it might be personal and embarrassing, but I want to tell it as an example to the wonders that are happening in our world today. How did people change?
A while ago, a friend of mine came from Baghdad; an engineer who works for the Ministry of Irrigation. Then she said: Come with me to visit an Iraqi family. Their father works as a construction contractor, and has a lot of projects inside Iraq…
Well, we went to visit them together. We were introduced to the family; the man, his wife, the daughter and sons. He started talking about his work, his contracts, and his projects in Iraq. He asked me: Where do you work?
- I am a civil and water treatment engineer.
- So, come and work with me in the projects. We work in the north of Iraq; in Arbeel or Sulaymanniya, it is safe their, come and work with us, we have an engineering team…
I told him: Now I am working as a volunteer with humanitarian organizations to help the poor and displaced Iraqis, and I send medicines or financial aid to buy blankets, heaters, and food provisions for the displaced families around Baghdad…
He smiled mockingly, and said: Leave the poor people and come to work with me, that's better for you.
I smiled and said: By the will of God; if there's a chance for a good, big project that would benefit people, then, yes, I agree. I will travel there and work as a site engineer…
Of course; their house was luxurious, the furniture big and fancy, telling about the taste of its owners: I want, I want, I want… ha, ha, ha. This is a funny expression we use for people who have money, but no defined taste, so they mix all models to show they are rich…

To be frank; working as a volunteer to the Iraqis has made me tired and frustrated…
The International organizations here in Amman do not present anything to the Iraqis inside or outside Iraq. If I asked for an aid in medicines or food provisions, they would stall, speak indistinctly, and then glide me away, even if I gave them the addresses of the people in Baghdad or around it, those who need the aid. They would promise, but accomplish nothing…
I send them e-mails about patients, with their photos and official documents about their health conditions. But they either apologize from treating them, or never answer my e-mails…
I forward to them e-mails from Iraqi hospitals, asking for medicines like Insulin, for medical equipments like heart revival devices, brain scan graph machines, and other items, but they feign ignorance and do not answer…
I got very tired from calling, talking, and running from here to there…
There is nothing real taking place on the ground, compared to the daily catastrophes the Iraqis are facing…
From one side; the Bush administration lies, sending false stories and illusionary successes about Iraq, and on the same time; desisting the international community from its responsibilities towards the Iraqis.
And this is a two-sided calamity…
A side of lies broadcasted by the satellite channels about what is taking place in Iraq, and another side of negligence, the covering up to the Iraqi's suffering, inside and outside of Iraq…
*******************************
While in the middle of my frustration from working with the organizations, and the pain of the silly operation to break down the stubborn stone, the construction contractor called; the one I had forgotten completely about… he said he signed a contract to build a dam in the north, with excavation work. Work was scheduled to start in a month and a half, I remembered you and wanted to notify you, would you like to work with us on site?
I said: give me more details about the job, and where shall I live? If there is a Kurdish village nearby, I will be ready to live in with a Kurdish villager family, paying them for my lodging and food fees… I said I do not want to live on site with the workers…
He said it was an excellent idea, that he will inquire about the matter soon when he will visit the site…
I didn't ask about the salary, for I remember when I was at their house that he told me he would pay me (2,000,000) Iraqi Dinnars as a salary if I worked with him, in addition to the lodging and a car…
Well then, I will not discuss such matters now, I said to myself; I want to hear the details of the job now, its nature, then I shall visit the site, and then decide to accept or refuse…
I told myself this would be a chance to serve Iraq in another way, for I will be working in a project to bring water supply to the people, this will make me happy of course; to help people through my experience as an engineer, and I shall not abandon the poor families whom I am used to help all this time, the salary will be something between $ (1000-1500), and this is too much for me. I shall not need all that amount of money on my own. I said to myself; I will spend some months there, after consulting with my family here, and coming to an agreement to organize my new life. I kept turning the matter in my mind through various angles, before it became mature enough to consult with my husband and my sons….
I don't think they'll object…. I'll come to visit them at short intervals; I'll keep in touch with them, they all want me to be happy, and they know that my happiness is to work for Iraq…
Well then… what happened yesterday?
The stupid construction contractor called, and I was astonished by his silly manner of speaking with me…
He said he misses me; he wants to see me, that he is an admirer who couldn't stop thinking of me for a minute, that he bought me a present; an expensive bottle of perfume, and he wants to meet me to give it to me…
I remained stunned; he babbled, and I was at a loss…
What should I say?
Shut up, you pig?
Oh, may God forgive me…
I remained silent, I only said- thank you, may you always be safe, may God bless you…
I was trying to evade him in a peaceful, civil way… I put down the phone, in disgust, when I heard him mummer to himself- Good bye honey, go in peace…
The skunk; so now I'm his honey?
By God I don't know whether to laugh or cry?
Where did this fool come from, to fall in love with me?
Besides; if I was one of those racy women, with the colorful make-up and the puffed-up hair, perhaps I could have said- well, he has a right, for I have tempted him… but I'm very conservative, decent, and wear a veil, so, why would this fool treat me this way?
I was very annoyed; I decided to call him, to put an end to his stupidity and foolishness, and may the curse of God be upon him, upon his money, and the new job…
I called him and said: Listen please; you must learn that the relation between you and me could only be one of business, meaning- you are a construction contractor and I am an engineer, and you can keep anything more than that to yourself, OK? Keep your feelings to yourself; I don't want to hear about it…
He said- no, this wasn't my meaning; you are a dear sister…
And in my heart I said- may you go blind, and your sister…
I cut the line. I knew I lost the job, and the thousand dollars, and you do not know what a thousand dollars means in an-after-the-war Iraq of hunger and misery…
But I do not accept to be taken advantage of, by an ignorant scoundrel like this one…

Why did I tell this story?
Because it is a sample of what is happening in the world today, especially in Iraq after four years of poverty, hunger, injustice, killings, and bloodshed…
The people who carry the principals and the noble dreams, come across scoundrels and mean personalities like this construction contractor who owns millions of dollars, but he's without conscience…
He's not willing to pay a single dollar to help a hungry Iraqi family… but he is ready to spend thousands of dollars to lure some woman, to seduce her with gifts, to invite her to lunch or dinner in fancy restaurants, or to travel with him.
Did the entire world become ugly and contaminated, like what Bush did to Iraq?
Is this the globalization he wants to market on to us…?
Everything for money, everything for sale by the dollar?
Here in Amman I suffered the hard-heartedness of the rich Iraqis; the merchants, the contractors; their refusal to help any Iraqi patient or any poor Iraqi family, and here I am now, dealing closely in a personal experience with one of them…
These fools are the slaves of the dime and the dollar, thinking they can buy people….
What can I say?
God is our only aid, and that is enough… ******************************************
The only thing left is to tell the story of Husaam…
Who is Husaam?
During the first battle of Fallujah, in 2004, many families run from that town after it was besieged, coming to their relatives in Baghdad. At that time, I went to see one of these families, and I met their widowed daughter; a widow with seven children, I listened to her talk about their ordeal. I felt sorry for her; in her eyes I saw terror and sadness. I wrote about her at that time, describing her as a young woman clad in black, a widow for five years with small children, who works as an employee in a clerical job in a governmental office. I kept sending her aid from time to time, through one of her relatives, until I left Iraq two years ago, and the circle of devastated families grew wider. I forgot about her, and started sending aid to other families than hers…
Her eldest son's name is Husaam; in his early twenties. I never met him. But when I sent medical or food supplies, he was the one who distributed them among the poor and displaced families around Fallujah…
Then, some months ago, I asked him to collect for me the drawings of the children of Fallujah; I sent him cardboard paper and coloring pencils. He collected them and sent them to me. They were amazingly beautiful drawings, which I sent to my son Majed in Cairo, as he will organize an exhibition of the Iraqi children drawings, at the University where he is studying…
A month ago, I was told that Husaam was arrested with a number of young men after prayer, as they got out of a mosque in Fallujah. He remained detained for a week in Ramadi, then they notified me he was released. I was very happy, I sent him a gift, meaning- thank God you are safe…
My heart is a mother's heart; I feel his mother's suffering while he was away… she is a widow, he was her eldest son, this means she needs him to be an aid to her in running the family and taking care of his younger brothers…

Then they told me that Husaam loves the daughter of the mosque's imam, of a village near Fallujah, and his mother went to ask for her hand in marriage, at his request, because he loved her for a year now, and he heard in the neighborhood that someone else intends to ask for her hand, so he decided to go first…
I laughed when I heard the story; this means that people there in Fallujah, in spite of the misery, the poverty, the devastation, the killings and the explosions, that they still had hearts for love?
By God I felt very happy for them; I learned that his mother bought candles, Henna and chocolates in preparation for the weeding, after the girl's father, (her name is Nadda), agreed to her marriage to the groom, Husaam…
Husaam was very happy; he decided to start a carpenter's shop, after the marriage…
When I heard the news I laughed, my heart filling with joy. I said to them: well, well, thank God we can hear news of love, engagements, and happiness in Fallujah. I always hear only the sad stories about you; this person died, that person's house fell on top of him…all stories of disasters…
Well, well…
They bought new bed-room furniture for Husaam, I am sure his mother borrowed money to buy it, for I know for sure she hasn't enough for these new expenses. And I learned she emptied one of the house rooms for him to live in with his bride…
The wedding was supposed to take place two weeks ago, but it was postponed. The American troops bombarded a house of Husaam's relatives in Anbar Province; the family settled for the night as a whole; a father, a mother, and six sons and daughters. Then, in the morning, the house was already bombarded under suspicion of terrorism. The father, the mother, and a number of the boys and girls were dead. Only three orphaned girls remained, crying, not knowing what to do?
Their aunt came and took them to live with her, for they no longer had a family or a home…
Husaam's wedding was postponed because of that incident… he couldn't get married and be happy, while his relatives were dead…
I kept thinking; what gift should I send for him? And at last, I sent him a book of the Holy Quran, with two bottles of perfume, one for him, and one for his bride…
I kept waiting for the news; when will the wedding be?
They told me the bride was a beautiful young woman, slim and nice. I smiled and wished them happiness, that God should bless their marriage, and put happiness into his mother's heart….
Today, this morning, without any preambles, an e-mail arrived from Baghdad…
Husaam became a martyr; there were some clashes, terrorist groups, and shootings in Fallujah…
I didn't understand what happened, but he died for sure…
Communications were cut off, all his relatives traveled to Fallujah, and I no longer have anyone in Baghdad to call and enquire about what happened. Fallujah is cut off from the world…
I remained all day long recalling my memories of Husaam, and Husaam's mother…
Have you ever felt that, though the sorrow is great in your hearts, yet no tear would slide down from your eyes?
I thought with myself, wondering about the fate of the bride, the bedroom, the gift of perfumes I sent, the candles and the Henna his mother bought from Baghdad…
I remained heavy-hearted all day…..
In the evening, I walked down the street, back from a meeting with Al-Jazeera channel, about the fourth anniversary of the war on Iraq…
I walked the street alone, I was thinking; what does it mean for Husaam to have dinner with his mother last night, then lie under the soil this evening…
Did the beautiful dreams all evaporate from his mother's head, his bride's, and all those he loved?
What does life mean to the Iraqis, when they start their morning and receive their evening side by side with death?
The story of Husaam and his family is the story of all Iraqi families, since four years now…
A story repeated every day, but the media, bought by Bush, or the media that fears him, tells nothing about what the Iraqis are going through….
My heart is sad, heavy with sorrow, and even if I shed tears, there will remain a deep, big sorrow, which tears couldn't wash away...........
A sadness accumulating for four years, not for something related to me, because I can bear all that befell me and my small family, for it cannot be compared with what befell Iraqi families other than us….
But I feel as if my heart is carrying the sorrow of all the Iraqis…
I feel the sadness of the Iraqi mothers, because I'm a mother…
And the sorrow of the wives, because I'm a wife…
What can I do to help them, and relieve them of their sadness?
I do not know….
This is the fourth anniversary of the war on Iraq, and these are my notions today…
What a sad day it is… a day heavy with sorrow since morning…

* * *