A Family in Baghdad

Sunday, April 2nd , 2006
Good morning...
When I was in Amman before I got here, I received an invitation to attend a conference held by an American women's organization, established by a group of women belonging to different religious creeds. This is a conference for a meeting between American and Iraqi women, to draw closer the viewpoints of different religions (Muslims, Jews, and Christians), or the different sects (Shia'ats and Sunnie women from Iraq).
When I saw the names of the Iraqi women invited, I found that most of them worked with American organizations financed by the American government, or had war and occupation- supporting opinions, or a former minister in the Allawi government, or a judge who is now a Parliament member, all of them women…
I sent my apology to the organization, saying: I have a stance and a viewpoint that will not be compatible with these Iraqi women invited, I do not want to waste my time, I apologize for not coming…
They answered back: Do come, we want to hear the Other viewpoint…
I said: well then, if there would be justice, I will come…
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I spent more than twenty days in America, touring many states to talk to people, and once we went to the Congress. Of course, there is no chance for a meeting with Congress members or the official media, and the delegation we were with. They usually receive official delegations from the Iraqi government, or the Iraqi non-governmental organizations that cheer the occupation. And as they have no justice, they wouldn't meet a delegation of Iraqi independent women and men, or the representatives of organizations, who oppose the occupation of their country, want to push the occupation out, and leave Iraq to the Iraqis to solve its problems in the way they see fit for their culture and viewpoint…
None of the officials in the American administration is ready to meet people like us, because we will say things they wouldn't like. They only meet the Iraqis who will tell them- Thank you for liberating Iraq, meaning- those who say the words the American administration would like to hear…
And all during my trip, and meetings with people, I used to say: I would like to meet people who agree to the war and the occupation, to hear their viewpoints, and tell them mine, for what is the meaning of meeting people who originally agree with me, and are against the war in the first place?
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On the 26th of March, I traveled from San Francisco to New York, to attend the conference with the Iraqi and American women, to talk about Iraq, trying to comprehend what is going on, and how to find solutions…
I arrived in the afternoon, very exhausted, I didn't even have a real meal all that day, I didn't have the time…
I found a girl waiting for me at New York Airport, she got me to the hotel, then we went to another place to meet all the ladies, and get acquainted with the Iraqi and American women participants. I understood that the conference was opened at noon, and tomorrow would be the start of the real sessions…
One of my Iraqi friends whom I found there told me: Listen; be careful, today, these Iraqi women participants said- "Liberation" of Iraq, not "Occupation", what will you do?
I went to the organizers of the conference and said: Tomorrow when I talk, I will speak freely, no one will stop me, I will say "Occupation", not "Liberation". If you don't like this, I will withdraw now…
And they said: No, we will not object to you, you can say what you like, otherwise, why did we invite you in the first place?
Hummm… that's a deal…
I had dinner, said "Hello" very nicely to a lot of women, and went back to the hotel to sleep. Tomorrow shall be another busy day, I told myself…
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In the morning we went to the hotel. There were journalists, photographers, and Media. There was a big attendance from various organizations, American non-governmental, and governmental. There were women from various nationalities; Arabs, Americans, Iranians, East- Asia, and others. We sat on the dais. There were many names; some I knew, some I heard about, and some I have seen for the first time…
The talking started; everyone was supposed to talk about her experience in Iraq, and what was the reality of the life there for three years now…
One women, working with an Orphans and Widows Society talked about her experience, and the painful living conditions of those new victims in Iraq. Another, who works with a Youth organization talked about the challenges, dangers, and hardships facing the young people. The Judge, who works in the National Assembly, talked about the bloody, fascist Saddam Hussein regime- (those are her words, not mine), how they executed her husband because he was against the regime, how she was put under house arrest, then she left Iraq to live in Washington with her children, then she went back to Iraq after the liberation (those are her words), she is so happy now, and thanks the American government and people for liberating Iraq…she said her story is published in some magazine, with her photo. She said, laughing: I was young in that photo, the magazine is old….
Then it was my turn; I spoke of my personal experience during the war, about the armed gang that robed me of my car in front of my house, one year after the war, the story of how my son was kidnapped from university, by the security militia of the Interior Ministry, of how they blackmailed us, then how we paid tens of thousands of dollars to release him, of how we left the country, like many other Iraqis who live as refugees in neighboring countries…
I spoke of the occupation's policy; of how they divided the Iraqis, provoking them against each other- the Sunnies and the Shia'ats, the Kurds and the Arabs. About the new constitution that wasn't written by the Iraqis, a constitution dedicating sectarianism and racism, which pushed the country to a civil war. I spoke about bombing towns, dislodging the population, killing the men, or arresting them and putting them in prisons. I spoke of the Iraqi families' suffering from the bad security conditions, and the lack of services, and I wondered: who cares about them? Who protects them?
The occupation is not concerned with protecting the people, and the government lives protected in the Green Zone. Who cares about the poor miserable Iraqis, who are the victims of this war, those who lived under the rule of Saddam Hussein, suffered the wars and the embargo, and now suffer the occupation- those are new victims of the occupation…
When we finished talking, there were questions and discussions, then a coffee-and-tea break…
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After the break, we went back again to the dais…
I saw new faces…
Three women spoke. The first one said- she suffered from Saddam Hussein, who tortured her, killed her relatives, and Lab…Lab…Lab, and she thanked the Americans because they liberated Iraq…
The second one came and said- Saddam Hussein killed us, destroyed us, imprisoned us, and Lab…Lab…Lab, and thanks to the Americans because they liberated Iraq…
The third one came and said- Saddam Hussein killed us, destroyed us, tortured us, and Lab…Lab…Lab, and thanks to the Americans because they liberated Iraq, all the Iraqis are happy…
Then it was my turn, and I said to myself: Huh, these are the ones I have been waiting for three years now to meet, in Iraq they were hiding either in the Green Zone or in the military bases. They do not mix with the Iraqis. They have their own world. This is my happy chance…
I said: First of all- I want to say that no one has the right to speak in the name of the Iraqis. Let each speaker say that this is her personal opinion. Secondly- I am happy to meet people here who support the war on Iraq, and call the Occupation- Liberation. I always wanted to understand these people, and now I see that the matter is personal to them; because Saddam Hussein hurt them personally, they held a grudge against him, and against all of Iraq. And now they are happy- for all their personal problems are solved. But what about the new victims in Iraq? Being an independent woman, my eyes saw the vices of Saddam Hussein, his oppression, and his crimes against the people, and we couldn't do anything. And now, my same eyes see the crimes of the occupation against the Iraqis. Do we keep silent? We see the same acts of Saddam Hussein now in Iraq, committed by the occupation. Do we keep silent?
They bomb the towns, they dislodge the families, they imprison the men, and torture them. They build new prisons. The Iraqis are running outside the country away from hell, the same as before…
Should I believe this is a liberation of Iraq?
Should I believe killing the innocent people in Fallujah, Al-Qaim, Sammara'a, and elsewhere is for the good of Iraq?
I am a Shia'at. If I used to object to killing the Shia'ats and the Kurds in the past, then I object to killing the Sunnies now. Because they are Iraqis, because we are all Iraqis; no such a thing as Sunnies, Shia'ats, or Kurds, we are all Iraqis…
And if Saddam Hussein hurt some people, that doesn't mean they should hate Iraq, and agree to destroy their country…
Iraq is not Saddam Hussein. Iraq is something else; Iraq is the land, the people, the history, the civilization. Iraq is the water, the palms, and the mountains, the friends, the relatives, the nice memories, and the sad memories. Iraq is not Saddam Hussein. And the people who came to America to live here, having a personal problem with Saddam, those do not represent Iraq. The true Iraqis are the ones who lived inside, suffered everything, were patient, and didn't come here to play the hypocrite and encourage the war against their country, thinking of nothing but malice, personal revenge, and obtaining a residency or an American Nationality. Those are hypocrites, who care for nothing but their personal interest, those people destroyed Iraq and the Iraqis, because they haven't learned yet to forgive, pardon, and let go, in order to solve the problems of Iraq. After three years of the ruin and destruction that befell Iraq, they are still living in the past, in the hate, they couldn't get over their sick condition and the psychological shock. All of Iraq should pay the price of their hate, and their hate isn't cold yet. What more do you want? Iraq is destroyed, people were killed, the future is black, everything is collapsing, and you still weep for yourselves, and talk about Saddam Hussein?
Saddam Hussein became something from the past, forget him, turn over the page, think about the people, the families, the children, think about the new victims, think about how to get out of this deadlock, and how to build the future of Iraq?
Think with a mentality of forgiveness, not hate. What did we reap out of hate, but the ruin and devastation?
I was so very hurt, I wanted to get what was in my heart for three years now, the anger against those psychopaths who still live in the darkness of their hate, who deceived the American people into sending their boys to die, to get the revenge for these malicious, psychopath women…
And now, they thank the American people because they are happy now, in important positions, have fortunes, and live their luxurious lives. All their personal problems are solved, and let all of Iraq go to hell. They do not want to talk about the new suffering of the Iraqis; of the bad security condition, the lack of services, the administrational corruption in the government, the malfunction of the government, and the mismanagement in running the country…
Anyway- I finished my speech with difficulty; they attacked me in front of the dais, and the shouting against me rose high in the hall, from them: You are a Saddamist-Ba'athi… your husband stole the money of the Oil for Food treaty…
I laughed very much, and told them: My name is well known, and my history. Go and ask if was a Ba'athi or a Saddamist for one day in my life. And in the first place, you do not know me, or who my husband is. What is his name? how do you accuse people without knowing them?
By GOD, I found them a bunch of pathetic losers.
I got down from the dais, and the Chairwoman asked them to stop talking…
It was the turn of another Iraqi woman to speak. I didn't know her. She said she works in the University; the security conditions were very bad, that the students find it very hard to come to study. They fell upon her, interrupted her talk, and objected to her.
She told them very quietly: but you live in the Green Zone, and do not know the people's sufferings…
They attacked her by shouting…
She excused herself from talking, and went down the dais…
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Some mutterings and whispers filled the hall…
I was sitting beside an American lady, who was one of the organizers of the conference… she leaned towards me and said: This is horrible!
I said to her: Thank you for permitting us to talk…
And she said: Now we discovered the truth of what is happening in Iraq…
I told her: Yes, that is the truth. There is no civil war. I am a Shia'at, and some of those who yelled at me are Shia'ats. Then it is not an issue of Shia'ats and Sunnies, the issue is- who is against the occupation, and who supports it. And you can see, the stance of those who are within the government isn't like the independent ones. The independent women represent the colors of society, and refuse the occupation. Even though we do not know one another, we have a common viewpoint, because we do not think of our personal interests. We suffered from the injustice of Saddam Hussein, and now we suffer from the injustice of the occupation and the new government… did you see how they yelled at me, and accused me? How they yelled at the Iraqi woman after me, and she was scared, and left the dais?
This is the new Iraq; people are throttled and cannot talk, just like in the days of Saddam Hussein… those who live in Iraq are filled with terror, they cannot talk. If I have been in Iraq now and talked like this, someone will come along and assassinate me at my door step next morning.
This is Iraq today.
The hypocrites like these women live under heavy protection; they have a driver and bodyguards, they work with the government by enormous salaries, or work as the heads of organizations which receive hundreds of thousands of dollars as financing from the American government, or American organizations supporting the war on Iraq. They do not care to talk about victims in Iraq, nor towns devastated, families being killed, orphaned children, widowed women, or the wasted human rights. They do not want to talk of all this; they want to convey an image to the American people that everything is all right in Iraq, the liberation is excellent, and the happiness fills the Iraqi's houses…
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American women got on the dais, and started talking of forgiveness , the culture of forgiveness, of Nelson Mandela and how he led his country from a state of violence, hate, and racism, after he spread the culture of tolerance among them, to forget the past and start all anew…
We went out of the meeting hall, many American and non-American women came to me, each hugged me and whispered in my ear: You are a brave woman. I smiled to each of them, then we went our separate ways…
We went to Church, they read some prayers, and asked everyone to pray, forgive, and pardon…
Then we went to dinner… of course, we sat in groups, and of course, the groups were divided; each group having a certain "color"; those who support "liberating" Iraq sat on clustered tables, and those who refuse the war and the occupation, sat on another cluster…
I could see that the American women were embarrassed by the situation, trying to calm everyone. But I used to say to them: This is the true reality in Iraq, you can see it with your own eyes now, to understand what the occupation did to us; it shredded us, dividing the people into two clashing factions, exactly like what happened to the American people. But the clashing between the Iraqis is more painful, because the country is destroyed, the people are dead, or fled, or were put in prisons. The future is dark and gloomy. And "These People" came to say "Thank You" to the "Liberation".
Is there a catastrophe greater than this?
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At night, I sat in my room at the hotel, recalling the memories of the war, the terror and agony the miserable Iraqis suffered. And these women, and men like them, were living here, encouraging the war against their country, and waiting to get back (after the Liberation), to get their revenge, stir up their sick hatreds, and destroy Iraq more and more…
I remembered those who died of my neighbors, friends, and relatives in this war, or those who fled the country. I recalled how we were eight brothers and sisters; doctors, engineers, and pharmacists, we ran away because of the dangerous security conditions, and in Iraq, we have only one brother and one sister left with their families, who are filled with fear and terror every day, and do not have the financial ability to leave the country…
I remembered my neighbors who immigrated out of Iraq, who sold their houses or left them as a trust in the care of caretakers. I remembered the wonderful minds that were assassinated in Iraq, or whose holders ran to neighboring countries, and exile. I remembered the Iraqi Museum, that was destroyed, its rarity items stolen for three years now, and haven't been found. And the old National Documents that were burned by the mercenaries who came along with the occupation. And The Ministries and Official Buildings that were plundered and burned by unknown people, while the archives of all the ministries were carried off to the American military base in Qatar, where it was translated by Arab employees hired after the war on Iraq. I remembered the archives of the ministries, universities, and the official establishments that were destroyed, so that Iraq would go back to the zero point. I remembered the Army that was disbanded, so that its men would go home, and sit unemployed in front of their wives. I thought of the thieves roaming the streets of Baghdad; plundering, kidnapping, and destroying, and the occupation forces watch on, but do not interfere…
I remembered the rotten constitution they imposed upon us, and the Iraqis said the referendum results about it were forged. And now, Iraq is roamed by criminals, mercenaries, and the Interior Ministry- trained-militia- trained to kill the Iraqis and eliminate them. While the occupation forces claim their innocence of all this…
Then, what were they doing in Iraq for three years now?
Where did the millions of dollars go?
I felt a big pain in my heart, and my head. I cried a lot. I slept, and woke up to a severe headache…
I want to get Iraq out of my head, but cannot…
I do not think of my husband, my children, my house, nor my family. Only Iraq controls my head…
I think I will die of sorrow for Iraq….
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