Friday, April 23, 2004

Friday 23/4
Good morning, again...
Today is the weekend...thank god we are all home
I always hated this day, weekend, since it has always been the day when i am supposed to finish all the house work that wasn’t done during the entire week.
And I used to feel that it's a long boring day...
But now, and considering the bad security situation, this day became such a relief, since we all stay home, hiding, it saves us the panic of moving around the city, where you never guess when the next bomb will explode.
Everyday in the traffic, i keep staring at the cars around me and think which one is going to explode now and kill us all?
And when i am home, at night, while I am in my bed, I hear explosions coming from a distance, then it start to come closer and closer, and I keep thinking that maybe a bomb will fall on our house by mistake, shoot by Americans or Iraqi people, what's the difference?
Each side has his reasons, and we pay our lives in the end, is people's lives that cheap?
Yes, in war times, all values fall down, starting with the value of life and its meaning.

I go back and think of the website that I referred to yesterday, the one that talks about American soldiers finished serving in Iraq, and they had conflicts with the Iraqi army, during the war...
Then their job as peacekeeper after the war, and their involvement in conflicts and shooting against civilians.
Most of them were young and fresh, and were in confusion most of the time, that pushed them to make the decision quickly and pull the trigger...
The question is: whose fault is that?
What did his military supervisor, his officer tell him when he sent him to Iraq?
Go to get Saddam, and kill civilians? Or help them, they are not the enemy?
And how can a soldier that was trained to fight, enter cities as peace keeping forces?
This mission should be handles by completely different people, trained to face situations with civilians with extreme caution and minimum loses.
Does the American administration really care about the lives of Iraqis?
Unfortunately, most of the events that happened say that they don’t.

It happens that reporters and journalists always ask me the same question: why did you decide to do this work? Blogging? And I always give them the same answer: to build bridges, between us and others, bridges to decrease the gab and help understand each other's point of views, not bridges of hate and disrespect.
And the emails i get always make me happy and confirms that this possible, except a small minority that stick to their opinions and an aggressive way to express their points of views.
My life taught me many things, and this blog taught me more...
I learned how to love people even if they come from another religion and carry different principles, specially the peaceful ones, who tell me simply that they are not believers but that they would pray for us...
One of the readers, who I still treasure, and feel sorry for him, i think of him as if he were a child that lost his way, and I always pray for him to change in a positive way, we have been exchanging emails talking about our life, our religion, women and hijab, he used to say that he doesn’t agree completely, but that he respects my point of view as long as i believe in it, when i asked him about his wife and kids, he said that he is in love since many years, with a man, and that they have a relation ever since...
Of course I, the conservative Muslim, saw that as a disaster, a disaster that hit the humanity, and I wrote an email to him apologizing of continuing our friendship, he said that he understands, and that he will keep praying for me, I asked him: who is your god?? Is he the same one I know? He said: yes! And he loves me.
I smiled, and said nothing.
I said: when you change yourself, write to me and let me know so we can be friends again, I am still waiting; hopefully he will change his ideas and life style.

And I thought that after Saddam we are living in freedom, the freedom of speaking and expressing yourself, but decision making remained in the hands of another medium, maybe they just don’t care about what we say...
The difference between him and them, is that he didn’t allow speaking, and did whatever he wanted, but now, we can say whatever we want, but still, they do whatever they want, isn’t that cheating?
Now i started t o see the picture, the newspapers express their opinions and fight among them, and people express their opinions and fight about it, but decision makers are in another world, they meet together and decide what they want.
Is this freedom and democracy?
I find it a wicked way to create chaos and prevent people from concentrating; while decision makers still united nothing keeps them away from concentrating.

And I think of the coming elections and the hopes we have...
Either Bush wins and disasters continue to dash on us, or Kerry wins.
But those who Bush obeys them, who can guarantee that Kerry wont?
They would either kill him or make a scandal for him, like they did to Clinton, or would be programmed the way they want him to be...
That's what we can see now, and i don’t know what the coming days are hiding for us...

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