Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
Good evening…
It is now 7 p.m., the weather outside is dusty, the house is full of the smell of dust, my chest is tightening, I feel as if I will suffocate. I go to the bathroom to wash my face and nose, so I can breathe freely…
The workers are fitting the new glass for the upstairs windows…Khalid is with them…
It was a tough, unlucky day, from its beginning…
*********************************** At 4 a.m., we woke up, I mean…jumped up from our sleep, in fear, by the noise of a powerful explosion that rocked the house, and smashed the glass of the windows… I can only remember my self running in panic, bare foot, moving outside of the room to shut-off the alarm system, that kept on wailing because of the vibrations of the house. My heart was beating fast…
Azzam and Khalid said it was a powerful explosion….but I remembered nothing but myself running frightened, barefoot, with my heart pounding…
I was sleeping soundly…so I didn't hear the explosion, but they did…
We drank some water, then went back to sleep…. But then we heard something cracking and falling… we pushed aside the bedroom curtain, and saw the glass behind it has become a map of twisted lines, and cracked, while some of it started falling outside the window…to the garden.
The sight frightened me…I asked in amazement: When did that happen??
So we got up again, put the lights on, and walked around the house, only to discover that there wasn't any room, or kitchen, or bathroom, that escaped the broken windows.
Even the steel door of the roof was deformed, and some glass panes in it were missing…as for the wooden main door, its nails were off, and it was pushed to the inside…and there was a big cloud of dust that came from the garden into the house….
It was then that I realized there was indeed a big explosion that took place, and all this dust and blast came from it….
The kitchen was indescribable….the windows opposite the sink were smashed, the aluminum door was bent, its glass broken, and it has opened so violently that it rent the lace curtains behind it… the ventilator has lost its outer blades, while its inner frame fell to the ground…
I looked at all this….then went back to sleep….but where would sleep come from????
I kept turning till morning…then went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea… the sight wasn't encouraging to have a cup of tea among the heaps of the smashed glass.
I heard the neighbors sweeping the broken glass at their houses…and I smiled, imagining the poor wives in bedrooms full of scattered slivers of glass, and so for kitchens and bathrooms… what a lovely morning…..
**********************************************
After the explosion we heard the rattle of the American tanks, but nobody dares to go outside to see what is happening on the street… we shall find out in the morning, I said to myself.
I swept the glass from the kitchen, and gathered it in a big carton box. Most of that glass was new, we had it fixed after the fall of Baghdad, when we left the house for a week, and when we came back we found it as it is today, only today the number of windows that were broken was higher…the explosion was stronger, and nearer….
The cat and its kittens entered the kitchen through the broken window… I said to my self: Look at this fool, how she took advantage of this chance… I waved them out, she ran to the garage, followed by her children, I gave them a small dish with the remains of yesterday's chicken…then went back to sweeping the glass remains….
It wasn't a lovely morning….and my mood wasn't merry.
I walked on shards of glass, remembering the Indian who lies upon glass shards in the Circus…and marvel at him. Huh…
*************************************** There were some clothes soaked on the sink in the kitchen, and the glass scattered between it, in the water and soap. It also fell upon the sink, between plates and spoons. I touched them carefully, lest I hurt my fingertips…
I woke Khalid up; to have breakfast, then go to University. He went out to the street, then came back carrying a piece of splinter from the remains of yesterday's explosion…a rigid metallic lump, very heavy… its edges were sharp, I could imagine how fatal it could be, if it hit the body of a human…
And we didn't conceive…was it a part of a missile that landed in our street, or is it the remains of a land mine, or an exploding pack. No one knows…
I found all the neighbors in the street, looking at the location of the explosion, and talking…then each went home, some were carrying a carton box or a big plastic container, full of glass splinters, to throw on the side walk….then I listened to my other side neighbor, sweeping the glass remains from her house….I felt sorry for the law-income neighbors, for how shall they pay the cost of new glass…
These were new burdens added to our lives….
******************************
Khalid said, before he went to university: Mama, as if GOD is telling us; Do not hesitate, get out of this house…
I laughed, and shook my head.
My sister in-law called me two days ago, the wife of my brother, who lives now abroad, by himself, she said he had a work contract for one year, and they shall all go with him, as she knew I was looking for a house, she wanted me to rent their house, and look after it… perhaps they will remain abroad for five years or more, until things calm down…then they might come back, or not, no one knows. She said she sold the furniture of the house, and shall hand it over empty…
I discussed the matter with Azzam and Khalid…there was some hesitation, but the qualities of the house were very good, its location is excellent, and near the place of our work, and its neighborhood is safer then ours, there is no violence, nor confrontations with the Americans. Besides, the rent she asked for was very reasonable…
I said to Azzam, we don't want to lose this opportunity, then feel sorry. We could appoint a guard and his family in our house for a year…then move to the new house until things get cleared…we won't lose anything…perhaps we shall gain more quietness. Let us try…
He said: Go and discuss the matter with her.
**********************************
I went with Khalid last evening to my brother's house… I was surprised to find most of the furniture was sold, the house almost empty… my heart felt heavy, I was sad… so the days will take us a part.
My brother was very much attached to Iraq, he is a Neurologist Surgeon, very active in his work, and inventive, always attending conferences abroad, contributing by new medical researches, analyzing, reading, and following up every new aspect in his profession, and field of specialty. But the wave of doctor's assassinations made him panic, so he decided to travel abroad, for a lot of his colleagues were assassinated after the fall of the regime… some were Ba'athes, and some were independent, no body understands the reason. Now his wife and children will leave their house and follow him, they are right, his return is impossible, and their remaining without a father in these conditions is very difficult…
*********************************
I moved around the house, remembering the days of the feasts, our gatherings here, before the death of my mother, may GOD bless her soul, and afterwards… our talks, laughs, and the noise of our children… while the video camera records all this, to send to our other brother, in New Zealand … he immigrated since the mid-nineties, he was a Dentist, a University Professor, but he felt very annoyed, and indignant, by Saddam and his acts against the Iraqis, so he decided to immigrate, we all felt sorry by his decision, but we feared that if he stayed here…some harm would befall him. So, coming to terms with the idea of his immigration was more merciful than the idea of his being executed by Saddam Hussein, for instance.
My mother cried a lot, for he was her first born…but the cruelty of life makes us put feelings aside, so many times. Now the same situation repeats it self…the choice between your heart and mind.
Of course the mind wins….
******************************************
I went back home, after arranging all the minor details with my sister in-law. They shall leave by the beginning of next month, and hand over the house to us, by the will of GOD. On the way home, I sat in the back seat of the car; while Khalid and the driver were at front…I felt a wish to cry…some thing was broken inside of me… I remembered our lives, which turned rough and cruel, the absence of family and friends, little by little…their exiting out of our lives…which is turning into a dry desert… no family, no relatives, no friends…no love and affection and mercy among us. What is the meaning of life without those beautiful things??
When we lose them… you realize their importance in your life, their importance to give you a steady, cheerful mood… yes, these things posses an emotional balance that almost each person needs.
I felt some forbidding…my tears fell silently. I looked at the Airport Rd., how dark, sad and depressing it seemed… it has always been very highly illuminated…today it is dark, without lighting. At its beginning was the Um Al-Tuboul Mosque…it also seemed pale and sad…with dim lights, as if they were saying…it is derelict …far off… suffering from silence and forbidding….
I wiped my tears…who could have thought all this was going to happen to us?? We dreamed of the fall of Saddam Hussein, of seeing a new country…
But we haven't seen the new, beautiful country yet…we are still in the waiting and torment phase…
I wonder, when will this torment be over?? Is there anyone who has the answer???
I don't think so….for we are still in the heart of the eddy.
And that means more time, patience, and waiting….
**********************************
We went back home….I started thinking how shall we leave it…
We too are going to abandon our feelings, for the sake of finding security.
This area is not safe…while the area there is safer… as for my brother and his family; the whole of Iraq has become without security…and should be left. It is a matter of personal, relative circumstances, that vary from one person to another…
This is Majid's room, and his memories…the pin-board on the wall carries his identity cards, various papers, important printed e-mail messages, letters carrying beautiful words from foreign friends, some thoughts written by Raid after the fall of Baghdad…and last year's school attendance schedule… there are also the Badges of his participations in conferences, in and out of Iraq. On the walls, there are very big posters, which he loves very much, of his favorite movie: the Matrix…
On the dressing table there is the cologne, body deodorant, the creams, and some dried flowers he collected with Mama, kept in a transparent jar…
Then there is his computer, tens of C.D's, some electronic games, most of them about fighting, with war in it, and armies, and advanced weapons. And then there are some cotton-stuffed toys, bears, monkeys, and pokimons…and an electrical organ. And his boxing gloves, used in matches against Khalid, here, in this bedroom…
How shall I leave all this???
Yes, I will take it to a new house…a house full of other memories…
And the beginning of a new life, new memories, by the Will of GOD.
*************************************** Then I went up to Khalid's room, formerly Raid's…
Raid's memories fill the room… his paintings, drawings, and architectural models of the buildings he designed. A big model of his graduation project, the development of Al-Khadimiya area in Baghdad. And scribblings on the wall, like any other architect, possessing a different vision of things… and when he developed the liver inflammation, and was locked up in the room, he drew signs on the walls, by pencil, numbering the days of his confinement…like those drawn by a prisoner, numbering the days of his prison… there is also a big number of boxes, containing papers related to his work in the "Civic" and "I'IMAR= rebuilding" Organizations…when he used to work with them. And some plans and maps of Baghdad, and the southern cities…
I will take them all to the new house… by the will of GOD.
And there is my guest room, the memories of friends who visited us from Baghdad, the other Iraqi cities, or from outside of Iraq. The memories of the feast days, of brothers and sisters, of talks and laughter… our garden, and my memories in it…I love it very, and always take care of it… how much money I spent from the household budget, to buy flowers and seeds for each new season…to tend to the grass and fruitful trees. But here I am today, compelled to leave all this accumulated heritage, of about ten years. The conditions here are bad, and the mind prevails over the emotions…
A human's life is meaningless without memories…regardless of being sad or sweet… I wanted all our memories to remain with us…connecting us to the past…going with us to the future.
I like it for a past, present, and future to remain always in a human's life…
I don't wish him to lose an item of them… I imagine he would lose his balance if he lost one of them.
*********************************************
We had dinner, and went to bed…then the big explosion occurred, at 4 a.m., the house windows were smashed, and Khalid said in the morning, laughing: GOD is telling us, get out of this house… Do not hesitate.
I spent the morning at work feeling a very severe headache… I don't know whether from my sadness at yesterday's memories, or from the explosion which I didn't hear, but caused me amazement.
When I got home, I told the driver: Go to the location of the explosion, I want to see it. We stood in front of a hole at the side of the road. The driver said it was an exploding pack, and not a missile. And the neighbor's boy said it exploded when an American convoy was passing early in the morning, killing and wounding a number of them.
I could not believe…. I went into the house. I want to sleep, I feel very tired.
Khalid went out, then came back…he said: Mama, give me the camera, I will take a photo of the hole, the broken windows of the houses, and the splinters of the bomb on the neighbor's walls. Then he came back again, panting… Mama; he said, there is a helmet of an American soldier in the hole…it has blood on it.
I said: Go and bring it to me…
Mama, it's smeared with blood and clay…
I said: Take this sack and put it in it.
I waited along time…then I looked into the garage, and I found he had put it on the ground, and went back to his friends.
I moved nearer, curiously, and held it…then moved closer to the kitchen's door, as I looked at it….some part of it was torn, in the back…and the filling, some material like fiberglass, was visible, there was some dry blood inside of it. Meaning perhaps its owner was wounded in the neck. How did the fragment reach him while he was in the tank or Humvee?? I don't know…
But there was a hand written name on it, in black, on the right:
(B.H. Gunner.), and on the left: (B-H-G).
I can't tell whether it was actually the name of its owner, or it was the helmet of another soldier…I do not know their regulations, are they allowed to exchange such items between them, or is it a definite proof of its owner?
I turned it over, and my heart started feeling sad again…
I wonder who its owner was?? What is his name?? How old is he??
Is he dead, or just wounded?? Does he have a mother and father, alive? Were they informed anything about him?? Is he married, has any children??
My heart was torn, I cried… my heart is a mother's heart, before all else…
My tears fell for him, for his mother, and those who love him.
Why did he come here?? Was he poor, in need, or were there some phony principles and theories??? I do not know…
And I remembered a verse from The Holy Quran, saying, (in meaning): "And No Soul Knows What Shall IT Gain Tomorrow, And No Soul Knows Where It Shall Die…..".
Each time I read this Verse, I feel sad. Because it speaks of death in migration. Death and Migration??? How cruel they both are.
I always pray to GOD that I shall die among my kin, and those I live.
And I prayed to GOD that the owner of this helmet wasn't dead….
I wonder what his name is?? Brad?? Or Brian?? I don't know much of their names. But I know that they are humans like us… who feel happy, and sad.
That is what I see from the letters I receive by e-mail every day… most of them are from peaceful people, apologizing for what follies their government committed …and feel pain at our conditions… and this dumb war has made enemies of us….increasing distances between us, not decreasing them.
I don't know…I spent yesterday crying for the memories of my brother's house, and ours… and spent today crying for the soldier who owned the helmet.
But the Iraqi person here doesn't see the picture like I do… he sees in the American army the picture of cruelty and arrogance, and their daily behavior with people…mostly is full of cruelty and arrogance.
When the garbage car came this afternoon, the young boy who collects the cans asked me: what is all this broken glass in your street??
I said to him: A pack exploded in the street, and broke the windows, and they say it killed American soldiers… he laughed and said: Ha, good news, let them go to hell… I did not comment…because I understand how this kid looks at things from another angle…from the angle of seeing the arrogant American soldier on his tank, drawing his gun in the people's faces…and shoots whenever he wanted, and no one reproaches him…
These conducts provoke the Iraqi's anger; at first…then that anger turns into violence, and hatred.
************************************
I took a photo of the helmet…the name of the soldier is clear on it… I saved it in the computer… No, I shall not put it on the website, maybe it will make people sad, and hurt their feelings, but if I received their wishes to see it, I will…..
Then I put the American soldier's helmet near the helmet of an Iraqi soldier, whom Raid found behind the barricade in the street, after the fall of Baghdad, by a few days.
I also don't know the name of its owner…what he looks like…how old is he?? Is he dead or alive??
Why does my heart see things this way…am I a naïve fool?? And people like Bush are the intelligent, and wise?? People who enjoy malice and hatred, and consider them the language to address others…
Those people amaze me…I don't understand how they think…I can't imagine myself like them one day….
I spent all my life looking, and thinking…and warning myself from being like the fools… from justifying injustice, killing, hatred, and all the ugly things committed by the foolish.
And I remember the saying of one of the prophets, when asked: where did he learn the good manners??
He said: I looked at the deeds of the foolish, and forbidden myself from committing them.
****************************************
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Good evening….
Today is the first day of Ramadan…the month of fasting, mercy, and forgiveness. I wish its beginning and end shall all be for the good of the people….
Today I finished cleaning the house, with the help of many people. There is no more broken glass… the new glass was installed, and we wiped the dust from the wooden furniture, dust that has accumulated on, because of the dusty weather, and the blast of the explosion….
The driver said yesterday he will go to Fallujah today morning, I sent some medicines with him, donated from our new Women Society, to Al- Fallujah Hospital…and some money from me to his widowed sister… it is Ramadan, and the house needs a lot of expenditure.
I finished washing the clothes and cleaning the rooms, this boring work is a must in the week-end. It lessens my feelings of tension… I call them ' the dumb chores', but can't do without them.
The driver called after mid-day, said he is back in Baghdad, that the situation in Fallujah is very tense, but today it is a ghost city.
Fallujah is a bomb about to explode any minute, the man said… most houses are empty, the families left for fear of what is to come. I didn't find my sister and her sons; some other relatives took her to a nearby village, for safety. I sent her the money with my cousins in Fallujah; they will go to her this afternoon. I gave the medicine to the hospital, and the Emergency Doctor wrote you a list of medicine needed in there, I'll bring you the list later. The Emergency ward is full of blood, corpses, and wounded Iraqis.
I said to him: Where is Al-Zarqawi?? The Government demands he should be handed over, and his gang, lest they should bomb the town.
He said: There is no Zarqawi…there is an Iraqi resistance.
I found myself silent, with no comment…
I said: This is Ramadan…GOD be with you, I hope you face no harm….
The interim government and the occupation forces insist there are some Arabs and foreigners in Fallujah. And the people of Fallujah insist in denial…. I am not there, and cannot judge…but I shall keep asking each who comes and goes there about the truth.
I heard the evening news brief, the situation in Fallujah is tense, there is a delegation from there, and negotiations with the government, but there is nothing new…last night, the American planes bombed houses in Fallujah…Iraqis were killed and wounded.
Fallujah is surrounded again… Bush is reluctant to conclude the military situation, for fear of loosing casualties from the American army, and this should reflect upon his elections. Do YOU Hear?
Casualties from the American army… this is the only point that worries him…as for the Iraqi casualties, Huh, let them go to hell…
Who cares???
************************************
Last week the government started buying weapons from people and militia. That is what we always said, immediately after the fall of Baghdad, some one and a half years ago…
Why don't you absorb violence, and buy the people's weapons, that became a plenty in their hands after the fall of the regime, and the ease with which they entered the Iraqi Army ware houses, and take their wares.
The situation has become very terrifying to us…the big amount of these weapons in the people's hands, is not in our favor at all. Thieves and killers will use it to their own ends, a strong Iraqi resistance shall emerge, and endless confrontations will occur.
But I do not understand how the occupation forces think, and what their priorities are.
They blew up the Iraqi ammunition storages after the war, between the houses, and victims fell from innocent civilians… who is responsible for these follies??
Does their instructions come in this way: Obey orders, and do not care for the existence of Iraqis, they are nothing, dead or living, we do not care… civilians, women, or children, we don't care… the most important is the safety of the American soldier, the reduction of the American causalities.
And this is what we see as the beginning of the hatred against the occupation army… and this, as we see it, hurts the Bush administration, and embarrasses him, when the talk is about the number of deaths in the American army, killed as a result of the Iraq war… as for the Iraqis killed, well, they are always the neglected number in the calculations.
And this is the point that the Iraqi resistance realizes, or the foreigners who hate Bush, and know where the strike would hurt him. So they plant mines, and explosive packs in the routes of the American military vehicles, killing and wounding soldiers…
An endless series….the series of killing and destruction, that Bush started here…
****************************************
Why are some areas 'hot' in confrontations, and the others warm?? I do not exactly know the answer, but I try to answer as much as I see things, and my experience here.
The district facing ours is named Al-Furat Dist., a poor, popular neighborhood, mostly Shi'aa. Most men were soldiers, workers, or simple farmers.
When the occupation forces entered the Airport to gain control, they started bombing Al-Furat Dist., with cluster bombs at night, we saw them with our own eyes, and I wrote about that in my war diaries. The people run away, many houses were demolished, and many military and civilians were killed in that district. After the regime fell, a lot of them took part in the in the steeling and looting of the state and military owned warehouses. The houses were full of weapons of all kinds, along with refrigerators, air-conditions, TV sets, and modern cars, from Iraqi state warehouses.
The quality of people here are law- education and realization, they are a sample of many other poor neighborhoods, in and outside of Baghdad… any colliding with others will be dealt with violently. Here is a suitable environment for gangs to grow. They now have money and weapons.
Who is the numskull who provided this environment for them, and made it a qualified point for hot confrontations any minute??
Think with me….
*****************************
A week ago, American tanks came and stood in the street, at night...and shot at cars passing the street, damaging the cars, the passengers got out on their knees…all the neighbors saw that…and we couldn't understand the wisdom of these acts… is it for the American army to say- we are here, so do be afraid?? Or to look for gangs and criminals?? Or for resistance men, against the occupation forces?
I don't know, we understood nothing of these acts…but I think the explosion two days ago, was the answer of the angry Iraqis, who were harmed that day. Of course, the aggressive acts of the occupation forces will be answered with similar aggressive acts by the people, or more violent… Haifa st. and the clashes, Al-Sadder city, and the continuous confrontations…there is a violence from the American side that gives the impression they are stony heart people, criminals who know no mercy, arrogant and conceited.
This makes some people feel happy when they hear an American was killed here… those are some of the people who were hurt, and now love to revenge… revenge from the occupation forces against the people creates new enemies…countless, size-less enemies…
And we, who want to build this country anew…this foolish policy is not to the advantage of our people and country…
We always say, pull the army outside of cities…in remote camps. Let the Iraqi people build his own Army and Police, by himself. Let him build himself by himself…
Let securing the areas be by Iraqis, military and civilians, for this strengthens the bonds between the people with each other, and makes trust the language of speech. That shall be an introduction of a warm affectionate relation and respect, between people, to form miniature civic societies, that shall lead the majority of people…who understands them, gathers them, and give them realization…
The presence of an occupying force that walks the streets alone at night, they shall face the danger of being hurt by Iraqis, because it isn't wanted. And does not originally offer a perceptible service to people…
We are all asking: What are they doing? Walking down the streets to be easy targets for whoever wants to kill them…that is what we see daily…
They were never successful in keeping security and order…I don't know how they think, and what is the strategy??
This chaos and mistakes, for one and a half years… and no evidence of a positive change…
*********************************** The question now nags in my mind… was allowing the steeling and looting at the beginning of the regime's fall, the accumulation of weapons in people's hands, an intended plan?? Or was it a terrible dumbness?? If it was dumbness, then, o.k.…. but if it was a plan, then it is an evil plan, which bitter fruits we reap everyday, for one and a half years… not knowing for how much longer…
The accumulation of money and weapons in the hands of criminals and ignorants, then opening violent fronts, and clashes in various areas in Iraq, like Fallujah, Sammara, Najaf, Al-Sadder city, and others…
These fronts will find those who feed them with money and weapons… it will bleed a lot of efforts, many victims will fall, and our hopes of building anew country will be dashed…cards shall be mixed, people will be tired, and priorities lost… then, no building, nor re-building…just violence, fighting, and destruction…
And an occupation forces that roams the streets…and camps built for the army, to remain here to an undefined time…this is the picture now…
Did Bush plan all this, or it just happened in a dumb, spontaneous way??
I don't think Bush or Ramsfield, or Cheany, or others who waged this war, had any foolishness, or lack of experience, or mismanagement. It seems that this result was planned for…
It is a possibility… because, if they had misjudged from the beginning, they would have stopped, and turned to another direction… but they insist upon that…up till now, regardless of the negative, tragic results.
How would they want the Iraqi to believe that America is here to help him??
All these follies drop the trust between the two parties. And encourages the choice of violence and hatred.
When the trust will come, the Iraqis shall start building their lives and country again… even those in Fallujah want to feel the trust towards America and its intentions, so they could drop the weapons and choose peace, and dialogue…
Does America understand this talk?? Does she care how the Iraqi thinks, and what he wants??
******************************************
Iraq needs an election, and anew government…the new government should have a vision… what to do, how to behave??
America is building bases and camps in Iraq…as if declaring to us: We shall not leave for tens of years, maybe hundreds. This makes a lot of people angry, and they protest, so they move towards violence, hoping it would influence the American decision to remain here, and makes her leave earlier.
The American elections are also near… and both Bush and Kerry have no vision towards Iraq… both are lost, and flounder…
Four more years shall come to Iraq…four mysterious years.
Whether by Bush's staying, or Kerry's coming. The situation will remain ambiguous…but perhaps Kerry will try to calm the violence, we are not sure, the whole matter is speculations. But we hope from him, if he comes to power, not to follow in Bush's aggressive foot steps, and not to make matters more bad, and the situation worst.
We want to build Iraq, and live peacefully, and securely, these are our priorities… we wish to have Iraqi, honest, free elections…to bring new Iraqi leaderships… clean, honest leaderships, who love Iraq and the Iraqis … collects them, and bind them together again…
If they had to stand beside the American, they wouldn't forget that they came to rule to help the Iraqis, and defend them… came from Iraqis, and for Iraqis, to defend them, and their right to live a safe, stable, free, good life… if they had to sit and negotiate with an American, they should have to explain to him: Our hearts are with the Iraqis, we shall not put our hands in yours, except for the good work for the Iraqis… we will not allow you to kill them, demolish their houses, and will not join in signing your security plans … to bomb cities with planes, and the falling of more victims, under various reasons… all this is empty talk…
You say you are here to help Iraqis… we want you to help us, not by more armies, and killings, and destruction… help us to build our lives, our country… in the way that satisfies us, and makes us a shining example to others…
We want freedom, and democracy, not violence and killings, and we do not think them the right way to reach our aims… never one day was the road to noble aims achieved by committing ugly, unjust acts.
************************************
And I remember again the soldier of the helmet, B-H-G.. Something inside of me tells me I am naïve…look at all the Iraqi dead and wounded, who cares for them?? The hospitals are suffering from lack of medicines, and medical instruments needed to treat people. And the wounded American soldier is met by tens of helping hands, to care for him… a helicopter would carry him to the nearest hospital in the Middle east or Europe… and he gets the best care, treatment, and pampering…
And the poor Iraqi civilian, who falls a victim among clashes…finds no one to care for him, but his kin…no hospital, no medicine, no treatment…no helicopter, not even a horse-drawn cart…Huh.
And the American people keep asking there: why wouldn't things calm down in Iraq, and our government is behaving all justly and wisely there…
Come here and see how just and wise things are?? This people is the owner of the land, and these are armed foreign occupation forces, who deals with the people viciously… so, how will you breach this huge gap between you and the Iraqis???
Think with me of away to get out of this problem….. A way to help build confidence between the two parties, and open a new page…
***************************************
Translated by May/ Baghdad.
Good evening…
It is now 7 p.m., the weather outside is dusty, the house is full of the smell of dust, my chest is tightening, I feel as if I will suffocate. I go to the bathroom to wash my face and nose, so I can breathe freely…
The workers are fitting the new glass for the upstairs windows…Khalid is with them…
It was a tough, unlucky day, from its beginning…
*********************************** At 4 a.m., we woke up, I mean…jumped up from our sleep, in fear, by the noise of a powerful explosion that rocked the house, and smashed the glass of the windows… I can only remember my self running in panic, bare foot, moving outside of the room to shut-off the alarm system, that kept on wailing because of the vibrations of the house. My heart was beating fast…
Azzam and Khalid said it was a powerful explosion….but I remembered nothing but myself running frightened, barefoot, with my heart pounding…
I was sleeping soundly…so I didn't hear the explosion, but they did…
We drank some water, then went back to sleep…. But then we heard something cracking and falling… we pushed aside the bedroom curtain, and saw the glass behind it has become a map of twisted lines, and cracked, while some of it started falling outside the window…to the garden.
The sight frightened me…I asked in amazement: When did that happen??
So we got up again, put the lights on, and walked around the house, only to discover that there wasn't any room, or kitchen, or bathroom, that escaped the broken windows.
Even the steel door of the roof was deformed, and some glass panes in it were missing…as for the wooden main door, its nails were off, and it was pushed to the inside…and there was a big cloud of dust that came from the garden into the house….
It was then that I realized there was indeed a big explosion that took place, and all this dust and blast came from it….
The kitchen was indescribable….the windows opposite the sink were smashed, the aluminum door was bent, its glass broken, and it has opened so violently that it rent the lace curtains behind it… the ventilator has lost its outer blades, while its inner frame fell to the ground…
I looked at all this….then went back to sleep….but where would sleep come from????
I kept turning till morning…then went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea… the sight wasn't encouraging to have a cup of tea among the heaps of the smashed glass.
I heard the neighbors sweeping the broken glass at their houses…and I smiled, imagining the poor wives in bedrooms full of scattered slivers of glass, and so for kitchens and bathrooms… what a lovely morning…..
**********************************************
After the explosion we heard the rattle of the American tanks, but nobody dares to go outside to see what is happening on the street… we shall find out in the morning, I said to myself.
I swept the glass from the kitchen, and gathered it in a big carton box. Most of that glass was new, we had it fixed after the fall of Baghdad, when we left the house for a week, and when we came back we found it as it is today, only today the number of windows that were broken was higher…the explosion was stronger, and nearer….
The cat and its kittens entered the kitchen through the broken window… I said to my self: Look at this fool, how she took advantage of this chance… I waved them out, she ran to the garage, followed by her children, I gave them a small dish with the remains of yesterday's chicken…then went back to sweeping the glass remains….
It wasn't a lovely morning….and my mood wasn't merry.
I walked on shards of glass, remembering the Indian who lies upon glass shards in the Circus…and marvel at him. Huh…
*************************************** There were some clothes soaked on the sink in the kitchen, and the glass scattered between it, in the water and soap. It also fell upon the sink, between plates and spoons. I touched them carefully, lest I hurt my fingertips…
I woke Khalid up; to have breakfast, then go to University. He went out to the street, then came back carrying a piece of splinter from the remains of yesterday's explosion…a rigid metallic lump, very heavy… its edges were sharp, I could imagine how fatal it could be, if it hit the body of a human…
And we didn't conceive…was it a part of a missile that landed in our street, or is it the remains of a land mine, or an exploding pack. No one knows…
I found all the neighbors in the street, looking at the location of the explosion, and talking…then each went home, some were carrying a carton box or a big plastic container, full of glass splinters, to throw on the side walk….then I listened to my other side neighbor, sweeping the glass remains from her house….I felt sorry for the law-income neighbors, for how shall they pay the cost of new glass…
These were new burdens added to our lives….
******************************
Khalid said, before he went to university: Mama, as if GOD is telling us; Do not hesitate, get out of this house…
I laughed, and shook my head.
My sister in-law called me two days ago, the wife of my brother, who lives now abroad, by himself, she said he had a work contract for one year, and they shall all go with him, as she knew I was looking for a house, she wanted me to rent their house, and look after it… perhaps they will remain abroad for five years or more, until things calm down…then they might come back, or not, no one knows. She said she sold the furniture of the house, and shall hand it over empty…
I discussed the matter with Azzam and Khalid…there was some hesitation, but the qualities of the house were very good, its location is excellent, and near the place of our work, and its neighborhood is safer then ours, there is no violence, nor confrontations with the Americans. Besides, the rent she asked for was very reasonable…
I said to Azzam, we don't want to lose this opportunity, then feel sorry. We could appoint a guard and his family in our house for a year…then move to the new house until things get cleared…we won't lose anything…perhaps we shall gain more quietness. Let us try…
He said: Go and discuss the matter with her.
**********************************
I went with Khalid last evening to my brother's house… I was surprised to find most of the furniture was sold, the house almost empty… my heart felt heavy, I was sad… so the days will take us a part.
My brother was very much attached to Iraq, he is a Neurologist Surgeon, very active in his work, and inventive, always attending conferences abroad, contributing by new medical researches, analyzing, reading, and following up every new aspect in his profession, and field of specialty. But the wave of doctor's assassinations made him panic, so he decided to travel abroad, for a lot of his colleagues were assassinated after the fall of the regime… some were Ba'athes, and some were independent, no body understands the reason. Now his wife and children will leave their house and follow him, they are right, his return is impossible, and their remaining without a father in these conditions is very difficult…
*********************************
I moved around the house, remembering the days of the feasts, our gatherings here, before the death of my mother, may GOD bless her soul, and afterwards… our talks, laughs, and the noise of our children… while the video camera records all this, to send to our other brother, in New Zealand … he immigrated since the mid-nineties, he was a Dentist, a University Professor, but he felt very annoyed, and indignant, by Saddam and his acts against the Iraqis, so he decided to immigrate, we all felt sorry by his decision, but we feared that if he stayed here…some harm would befall him. So, coming to terms with the idea of his immigration was more merciful than the idea of his being executed by Saddam Hussein, for instance.
My mother cried a lot, for he was her first born…but the cruelty of life makes us put feelings aside, so many times. Now the same situation repeats it self…the choice between your heart and mind.
Of course the mind wins….
******************************************
I went back home, after arranging all the minor details with my sister in-law. They shall leave by the beginning of next month, and hand over the house to us, by the will of GOD. On the way home, I sat in the back seat of the car; while Khalid and the driver were at front…I felt a wish to cry…some thing was broken inside of me… I remembered our lives, which turned rough and cruel, the absence of family and friends, little by little…their exiting out of our lives…which is turning into a dry desert… no family, no relatives, no friends…no love and affection and mercy among us. What is the meaning of life without those beautiful things??
When we lose them… you realize their importance in your life, their importance to give you a steady, cheerful mood… yes, these things posses an emotional balance that almost each person needs.
I felt some forbidding…my tears fell silently. I looked at the Airport Rd., how dark, sad and depressing it seemed… it has always been very highly illuminated…today it is dark, without lighting. At its beginning was the Um Al-Tuboul Mosque…it also seemed pale and sad…with dim lights, as if they were saying…it is derelict …far off… suffering from silence and forbidding….
I wiped my tears…who could have thought all this was going to happen to us?? We dreamed of the fall of Saddam Hussein, of seeing a new country…
But we haven't seen the new, beautiful country yet…we are still in the waiting and torment phase…
I wonder, when will this torment be over?? Is there anyone who has the answer???
I don't think so….for we are still in the heart of the eddy.
And that means more time, patience, and waiting….
**********************************
We went back home….I started thinking how shall we leave it…
We too are going to abandon our feelings, for the sake of finding security.
This area is not safe…while the area there is safer… as for my brother and his family; the whole of Iraq has become without security…and should be left. It is a matter of personal, relative circumstances, that vary from one person to another…
This is Majid's room, and his memories…the pin-board on the wall carries his identity cards, various papers, important printed e-mail messages, letters carrying beautiful words from foreign friends, some thoughts written by Raid after the fall of Baghdad…and last year's school attendance schedule… there are also the Badges of his participations in conferences, in and out of Iraq. On the walls, there are very big posters, which he loves very much, of his favorite movie: the Matrix…
On the dressing table there is the cologne, body deodorant, the creams, and some dried flowers he collected with Mama, kept in a transparent jar…
Then there is his computer, tens of C.D's, some electronic games, most of them about fighting, with war in it, and armies, and advanced weapons. And then there are some cotton-stuffed toys, bears, monkeys, and pokimons…and an electrical organ. And his boxing gloves, used in matches against Khalid, here, in this bedroom…
How shall I leave all this???
Yes, I will take it to a new house…a house full of other memories…
And the beginning of a new life, new memories, by the Will of GOD.
*************************************** Then I went up to Khalid's room, formerly Raid's…
Raid's memories fill the room… his paintings, drawings, and architectural models of the buildings he designed. A big model of his graduation project, the development of Al-Khadimiya area in Baghdad. And scribblings on the wall, like any other architect, possessing a different vision of things… and when he developed the liver inflammation, and was locked up in the room, he drew signs on the walls, by pencil, numbering the days of his confinement…like those drawn by a prisoner, numbering the days of his prison… there is also a big number of boxes, containing papers related to his work in the "Civic" and "I'IMAR= rebuilding" Organizations…when he used to work with them. And some plans and maps of Baghdad, and the southern cities…
I will take them all to the new house… by the will of GOD.
And there is my guest room, the memories of friends who visited us from Baghdad, the other Iraqi cities, or from outside of Iraq. The memories of the feast days, of brothers and sisters, of talks and laughter… our garden, and my memories in it…I love it very, and always take care of it… how much money I spent from the household budget, to buy flowers and seeds for each new season…to tend to the grass and fruitful trees. But here I am today, compelled to leave all this accumulated heritage, of about ten years. The conditions here are bad, and the mind prevails over the emotions…
A human's life is meaningless without memories…regardless of being sad or sweet… I wanted all our memories to remain with us…connecting us to the past…going with us to the future.
I like it for a past, present, and future to remain always in a human's life…
I don't wish him to lose an item of them… I imagine he would lose his balance if he lost one of them.
*********************************************
We had dinner, and went to bed…then the big explosion occurred, at 4 a.m., the house windows were smashed, and Khalid said in the morning, laughing: GOD is telling us, get out of this house… Do not hesitate.
I spent the morning at work feeling a very severe headache… I don't know whether from my sadness at yesterday's memories, or from the explosion which I didn't hear, but caused me amazement.
When I got home, I told the driver: Go to the location of the explosion, I want to see it. We stood in front of a hole at the side of the road. The driver said it was an exploding pack, and not a missile. And the neighbor's boy said it exploded when an American convoy was passing early in the morning, killing and wounding a number of them.
I could not believe…. I went into the house. I want to sleep, I feel very tired.
Khalid went out, then came back…he said: Mama, give me the camera, I will take a photo of the hole, the broken windows of the houses, and the splinters of the bomb on the neighbor's walls. Then he came back again, panting… Mama; he said, there is a helmet of an American soldier in the hole…it has blood on it.
I said: Go and bring it to me…
Mama, it's smeared with blood and clay…
I said: Take this sack and put it in it.
I waited along time…then I looked into the garage, and I found he had put it on the ground, and went back to his friends.
I moved nearer, curiously, and held it…then moved closer to the kitchen's door, as I looked at it….some part of it was torn, in the back…and the filling, some material like fiberglass, was visible, there was some dry blood inside of it. Meaning perhaps its owner was wounded in the neck. How did the fragment reach him while he was in the tank or Humvee?? I don't know…
But there was a hand written name on it, in black, on the right:
(B.H. Gunner.), and on the left: (B-H-G).
I can't tell whether it was actually the name of its owner, or it was the helmet of another soldier…I do not know their regulations, are they allowed to exchange such items between them, or is it a definite proof of its owner?
I turned it over, and my heart started feeling sad again…
I wonder who its owner was?? What is his name?? How old is he??
Is he dead, or just wounded?? Does he have a mother and father, alive? Were they informed anything about him?? Is he married, has any children??
My heart was torn, I cried… my heart is a mother's heart, before all else…
My tears fell for him, for his mother, and those who love him.
Why did he come here?? Was he poor, in need, or were there some phony principles and theories??? I do not know…
And I remembered a verse from The Holy Quran, saying, (in meaning): "And No Soul Knows What Shall IT Gain Tomorrow, And No Soul Knows Where It Shall Die…..".
Each time I read this Verse, I feel sad. Because it speaks of death in migration. Death and Migration??? How cruel they both are.
I always pray to GOD that I shall die among my kin, and those I live.
And I prayed to GOD that the owner of this helmet wasn't dead….
I wonder what his name is?? Brad?? Or Brian?? I don't know much of their names. But I know that they are humans like us… who feel happy, and sad.
That is what I see from the letters I receive by e-mail every day… most of them are from peaceful people, apologizing for what follies their government committed …and feel pain at our conditions… and this dumb war has made enemies of us….increasing distances between us, not decreasing them.
I don't know…I spent yesterday crying for the memories of my brother's house, and ours… and spent today crying for the soldier who owned the helmet.
But the Iraqi person here doesn't see the picture like I do… he sees in the American army the picture of cruelty and arrogance, and their daily behavior with people…mostly is full of cruelty and arrogance.
When the garbage car came this afternoon, the young boy who collects the cans asked me: what is all this broken glass in your street??
I said to him: A pack exploded in the street, and broke the windows, and they say it killed American soldiers… he laughed and said: Ha, good news, let them go to hell… I did not comment…because I understand how this kid looks at things from another angle…from the angle of seeing the arrogant American soldier on his tank, drawing his gun in the people's faces…and shoots whenever he wanted, and no one reproaches him…
These conducts provoke the Iraqi's anger; at first…then that anger turns into violence, and hatred.
************************************
I took a photo of the helmet…the name of the soldier is clear on it… I saved it in the computer… No, I shall not put it on the website, maybe it will make people sad, and hurt their feelings, but if I received their wishes to see it, I will…..
Then I put the American soldier's helmet near the helmet of an Iraqi soldier, whom Raid found behind the barricade in the street, after the fall of Baghdad, by a few days.
I also don't know the name of its owner…what he looks like…how old is he?? Is he dead or alive??
Why does my heart see things this way…am I a naïve fool?? And people like Bush are the intelligent, and wise?? People who enjoy malice and hatred, and consider them the language to address others…
Those people amaze me…I don't understand how they think…I can't imagine myself like them one day….
I spent all my life looking, and thinking…and warning myself from being like the fools… from justifying injustice, killing, hatred, and all the ugly things committed by the foolish.
And I remember the saying of one of the prophets, when asked: where did he learn the good manners??
He said: I looked at the deeds of the foolish, and forbidden myself from committing them.
****************************************
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Good evening….
Today is the first day of Ramadan…the month of fasting, mercy, and forgiveness. I wish its beginning and end shall all be for the good of the people….
Today I finished cleaning the house, with the help of many people. There is no more broken glass… the new glass was installed, and we wiped the dust from the wooden furniture, dust that has accumulated on, because of the dusty weather, and the blast of the explosion….
The driver said yesterday he will go to Fallujah today morning, I sent some medicines with him, donated from our new Women Society, to Al- Fallujah Hospital…and some money from me to his widowed sister… it is Ramadan, and the house needs a lot of expenditure.
I finished washing the clothes and cleaning the rooms, this boring work is a must in the week-end. It lessens my feelings of tension… I call them ' the dumb chores', but can't do without them.
The driver called after mid-day, said he is back in Baghdad, that the situation in Fallujah is very tense, but today it is a ghost city.
Fallujah is a bomb about to explode any minute, the man said… most houses are empty, the families left for fear of what is to come. I didn't find my sister and her sons; some other relatives took her to a nearby village, for safety. I sent her the money with my cousins in Fallujah; they will go to her this afternoon. I gave the medicine to the hospital, and the Emergency Doctor wrote you a list of medicine needed in there, I'll bring you the list later. The Emergency ward is full of blood, corpses, and wounded Iraqis.
I said to him: Where is Al-Zarqawi?? The Government demands he should be handed over, and his gang, lest they should bomb the town.
He said: There is no Zarqawi…there is an Iraqi resistance.
I found myself silent, with no comment…
I said: This is Ramadan…GOD be with you, I hope you face no harm….
The interim government and the occupation forces insist there are some Arabs and foreigners in Fallujah. And the people of Fallujah insist in denial…. I am not there, and cannot judge…but I shall keep asking each who comes and goes there about the truth.
I heard the evening news brief, the situation in Fallujah is tense, there is a delegation from there, and negotiations with the government, but there is nothing new…last night, the American planes bombed houses in Fallujah…Iraqis were killed and wounded.
Fallujah is surrounded again… Bush is reluctant to conclude the military situation, for fear of loosing casualties from the American army, and this should reflect upon his elections. Do YOU Hear?
Casualties from the American army… this is the only point that worries him…as for the Iraqi casualties, Huh, let them go to hell…
Who cares???
************************************
Last week the government started buying weapons from people and militia. That is what we always said, immediately after the fall of Baghdad, some one and a half years ago…
Why don't you absorb violence, and buy the people's weapons, that became a plenty in their hands after the fall of the regime, and the ease with which they entered the Iraqi Army ware houses, and take their wares.
The situation has become very terrifying to us…the big amount of these weapons in the people's hands, is not in our favor at all. Thieves and killers will use it to their own ends, a strong Iraqi resistance shall emerge, and endless confrontations will occur.
But I do not understand how the occupation forces think, and what their priorities are.
They blew up the Iraqi ammunition storages after the war, between the houses, and victims fell from innocent civilians… who is responsible for these follies??
Does their instructions come in this way: Obey orders, and do not care for the existence of Iraqis, they are nothing, dead or living, we do not care… civilians, women, or children, we don't care… the most important is the safety of the American soldier, the reduction of the American causalities.
And this is what we see as the beginning of the hatred against the occupation army… and this, as we see it, hurts the Bush administration, and embarrasses him, when the talk is about the number of deaths in the American army, killed as a result of the Iraq war… as for the Iraqis killed, well, they are always the neglected number in the calculations.
And this is the point that the Iraqi resistance realizes, or the foreigners who hate Bush, and know where the strike would hurt him. So they plant mines, and explosive packs in the routes of the American military vehicles, killing and wounding soldiers…
An endless series….the series of killing and destruction, that Bush started here…
****************************************
Why are some areas 'hot' in confrontations, and the others warm?? I do not exactly know the answer, but I try to answer as much as I see things, and my experience here.
The district facing ours is named Al-Furat Dist., a poor, popular neighborhood, mostly Shi'aa. Most men were soldiers, workers, or simple farmers.
When the occupation forces entered the Airport to gain control, they started bombing Al-Furat Dist., with cluster bombs at night, we saw them with our own eyes, and I wrote about that in my war diaries. The people run away, many houses were demolished, and many military and civilians were killed in that district. After the regime fell, a lot of them took part in the in the steeling and looting of the state and military owned warehouses. The houses were full of weapons of all kinds, along with refrigerators, air-conditions, TV sets, and modern cars, from Iraqi state warehouses.
The quality of people here are law- education and realization, they are a sample of many other poor neighborhoods, in and outside of Baghdad… any colliding with others will be dealt with violently. Here is a suitable environment for gangs to grow. They now have money and weapons.
Who is the numskull who provided this environment for them, and made it a qualified point for hot confrontations any minute??
Think with me….
*****************************
A week ago, American tanks came and stood in the street, at night...and shot at cars passing the street, damaging the cars, the passengers got out on their knees…all the neighbors saw that…and we couldn't understand the wisdom of these acts… is it for the American army to say- we are here, so do be afraid?? Or to look for gangs and criminals?? Or for resistance men, against the occupation forces?
I don't know, we understood nothing of these acts…but I think the explosion two days ago, was the answer of the angry Iraqis, who were harmed that day. Of course, the aggressive acts of the occupation forces will be answered with similar aggressive acts by the people, or more violent… Haifa st. and the clashes, Al-Sadder city, and the continuous confrontations…there is a violence from the American side that gives the impression they are stony heart people, criminals who know no mercy, arrogant and conceited.
This makes some people feel happy when they hear an American was killed here… those are some of the people who were hurt, and now love to revenge… revenge from the occupation forces against the people creates new enemies…countless, size-less enemies…
And we, who want to build this country anew…this foolish policy is not to the advantage of our people and country…
We always say, pull the army outside of cities…in remote camps. Let the Iraqi people build his own Army and Police, by himself. Let him build himself by himself…
Let securing the areas be by Iraqis, military and civilians, for this strengthens the bonds between the people with each other, and makes trust the language of speech. That shall be an introduction of a warm affectionate relation and respect, between people, to form miniature civic societies, that shall lead the majority of people…who understands them, gathers them, and give them realization…
The presence of an occupying force that walks the streets alone at night, they shall face the danger of being hurt by Iraqis, because it isn't wanted. And does not originally offer a perceptible service to people…
We are all asking: What are they doing? Walking down the streets to be easy targets for whoever wants to kill them…that is what we see daily…
They were never successful in keeping security and order…I don't know how they think, and what is the strategy??
This chaos and mistakes, for one and a half years… and no evidence of a positive change…
*********************************** The question now nags in my mind… was allowing the steeling and looting at the beginning of the regime's fall, the accumulation of weapons in people's hands, an intended plan?? Or was it a terrible dumbness?? If it was dumbness, then, o.k.…. but if it was a plan, then it is an evil plan, which bitter fruits we reap everyday, for one and a half years… not knowing for how much longer…
The accumulation of money and weapons in the hands of criminals and ignorants, then opening violent fronts, and clashes in various areas in Iraq, like Fallujah, Sammara, Najaf, Al-Sadder city, and others…
These fronts will find those who feed them with money and weapons… it will bleed a lot of efforts, many victims will fall, and our hopes of building anew country will be dashed…cards shall be mixed, people will be tired, and priorities lost… then, no building, nor re-building…just violence, fighting, and destruction…
And an occupation forces that roams the streets…and camps built for the army, to remain here to an undefined time…this is the picture now…
Did Bush plan all this, or it just happened in a dumb, spontaneous way??
I don't think Bush or Ramsfield, or Cheany, or others who waged this war, had any foolishness, or lack of experience, or mismanagement. It seems that this result was planned for…
It is a possibility… because, if they had misjudged from the beginning, they would have stopped, and turned to another direction… but they insist upon that…up till now, regardless of the negative, tragic results.
How would they want the Iraqi to believe that America is here to help him??
All these follies drop the trust between the two parties. And encourages the choice of violence and hatred.
When the trust will come, the Iraqis shall start building their lives and country again… even those in Fallujah want to feel the trust towards America and its intentions, so they could drop the weapons and choose peace, and dialogue…
Does America understand this talk?? Does she care how the Iraqi thinks, and what he wants??
******************************************
Iraq needs an election, and anew government…the new government should have a vision… what to do, how to behave??
America is building bases and camps in Iraq…as if declaring to us: We shall not leave for tens of years, maybe hundreds. This makes a lot of people angry, and they protest, so they move towards violence, hoping it would influence the American decision to remain here, and makes her leave earlier.
The American elections are also near… and both Bush and Kerry have no vision towards Iraq… both are lost, and flounder…
Four more years shall come to Iraq…four mysterious years.
Whether by Bush's staying, or Kerry's coming. The situation will remain ambiguous…but perhaps Kerry will try to calm the violence, we are not sure, the whole matter is speculations. But we hope from him, if he comes to power, not to follow in Bush's aggressive foot steps, and not to make matters more bad, and the situation worst.
We want to build Iraq, and live peacefully, and securely, these are our priorities… we wish to have Iraqi, honest, free elections…to bring new Iraqi leaderships… clean, honest leaderships, who love Iraq and the Iraqis … collects them, and bind them together again…
If they had to stand beside the American, they wouldn't forget that they came to rule to help the Iraqis, and defend them… came from Iraqis, and for Iraqis, to defend them, and their right to live a safe, stable, free, good life… if they had to sit and negotiate with an American, they should have to explain to him: Our hearts are with the Iraqis, we shall not put our hands in yours, except for the good work for the Iraqis… we will not allow you to kill them, demolish their houses, and will not join in signing your security plans … to bomb cities with planes, and the falling of more victims, under various reasons… all this is empty talk…
You say you are here to help Iraqis… we want you to help us, not by more armies, and killings, and destruction… help us to build our lives, our country… in the way that satisfies us, and makes us a shining example to others…
We want freedom, and democracy, not violence and killings, and we do not think them the right way to reach our aims… never one day was the road to noble aims achieved by committing ugly, unjust acts.
************************************
And I remember again the soldier of the helmet, B-H-G.. Something inside of me tells me I am naïve…look at all the Iraqi dead and wounded, who cares for them?? The hospitals are suffering from lack of medicines, and medical instruments needed to treat people. And the wounded American soldier is met by tens of helping hands, to care for him… a helicopter would carry him to the nearest hospital in the Middle east or Europe… and he gets the best care, treatment, and pampering…
And the poor Iraqi civilian, who falls a victim among clashes…finds no one to care for him, but his kin…no hospital, no medicine, no treatment…no helicopter, not even a horse-drawn cart…Huh.
And the American people keep asking there: why wouldn't things calm down in Iraq, and our government is behaving all justly and wisely there…
Come here and see how just and wise things are?? This people is the owner of the land, and these are armed foreign occupation forces, who deals with the people viciously… so, how will you breach this huge gap between you and the Iraqis???
Think with me of away to get out of this problem….. A way to help build confidence between the two parties, and open a new page…
***************************************
Translated by May/ Baghdad.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
this is khalid...
this post was written by my brother Raed:
i posted on my blog too.
One of the last international NGOs, CARE, stopped their work in Iraq after their director was kidnapped yesterday. I used to see her all the time in the NGOs meetings in Baghdad.
Poor woman.
I have much to say about international NGOs and their work in Iraq, about their projects and their expenses, and about their international staff inside the country. But I prefer to postpone this some weeks until this kidnapping thing ends, peacefully as I hope.
With the withdrawal of most of the foreign humanitarian organizations from Iraq, and the incapability of the Iraqi “government” of funding itself much less funding local groups or organizations, the humanitarian crisis in Iraq is getting more serious.
Meanwhile, the U.S. army is planning to attack something around 20 cities and towns that are not under the control of the occupation authority.
“The Jarrars” (i.e. me and my family), decided to start a small individual humanitarian campaign for a month (maybe we’ll extend it) for buying basic things like some medical stuff, food, blankets, and other necessities and send them directly to hospitals in the most affected cities and towns. We will try our best to work under the supervision of one of the few functioning NGOs in Iraq (e.g. Occupation Watch, or others) to give more transparency to this small campaign, but over all the working plan is as follows:
*Money will be donated through PAYPAL to my account, (Jarrar_raed@hotmail.com), and will be reported on my blog frequently.
*My brother Majid will collect the money from Victoria in Canada and wire it to me in Jordan through my bank account.
*I will buy everything from Jordan, and publish the receipts on my blog.
*Then I will send things to my family in Baghdad, where they will send it in turn to hospitals depending on the priority and accessibility of the towns and cities.
*We will get official papers from the hospitals to insure they received the certain amount of supplements; we will publish them on our blogs too.
*We’ll publish a financial break down at the end of the month (end of Nov.)
You can send money from your credit cards too; even small amounts of money can do much in Iraq.
Today I received the first donation from a person in Japan called Tomoko. He sent 10,000 JPY.
this post was written by my brother Raed:
i posted on my blog too.
One of the last international NGOs, CARE, stopped their work in Iraq after their director was kidnapped yesterday. I used to see her all the time in the NGOs meetings in Baghdad.
Poor woman.
I have much to say about international NGOs and their work in Iraq, about their projects and their expenses, and about their international staff inside the country. But I prefer to postpone this some weeks until this kidnapping thing ends, peacefully as I hope.
With the withdrawal of most of the foreign humanitarian organizations from Iraq, and the incapability of the Iraqi “government” of funding itself much less funding local groups or organizations, the humanitarian crisis in Iraq is getting more serious.
Meanwhile, the U.S. army is planning to attack something around 20 cities and towns that are not under the control of the occupation authority.
“The Jarrars” (i.e. me and my family), decided to start a small individual humanitarian campaign for a month (maybe we’ll extend it) for buying basic things like some medical stuff, food, blankets, and other necessities and send them directly to hospitals in the most affected cities and towns. We will try our best to work under the supervision of one of the few functioning NGOs in Iraq (e.g. Occupation Watch, or others) to give more transparency to this small campaign, but over all the working plan is as follows:
*Money will be donated through PAYPAL to my account, (Jarrar_raed@hotmail.com), and will be reported on my blog frequently.
*My brother Majid will collect the money from Victoria in Canada and wire it to me in Jordan through my bank account.
*I will buy everything from Jordan, and publish the receipts on my blog.
*Then I will send things to my family in Baghdad, where they will send it in turn to hospitals depending on the priority and accessibility of the towns and cities.
*We will get official papers from the hospitals to insure they received the certain amount of supplements; we will publish them on our blogs too.
*We’ll publish a financial break down at the end of the month (end of Nov.)
You can send money from your credit cards too; even small amounts of money can do much in Iraq.
Today I received the first donation from a person in Japan called Tomoko. He sent 10,000 JPY.